Ashley ran her hands through her hair. “What ifs are dangerous, you know. Makes you relive past events you don’t want to relive.”

“What if you didn’t sleep with that girl, Ash? Where would we be right now?”

“I don’t know, Spencer.” Ashley sighed.

“Would we be here, right now, this moment?”

“Who knows? I sure as hell don’t.” The brunette plopped down on the other couch in the living room. “Does it matter anyway? I mean, wondering about what ifs isn’t going to make it suddenly disappear. It happened. Deal with it.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“You weren’t the only one that got hurt that night, Spencer.” Ashley said forcefully. She put her head in her hands and groaned. “Why are we doing this? It’s ancient history.”

“Maybe it’s ancient history for you but I still remember the moment I felt my heart break when I walked in on you two having morning foreplay. I still remember how a bird was chirping in the background, making the moment so surreal. I still remember how that bitch kept her hands on you even though I was in the room, like she was almost challenging me.” Spencer put her head back and gazed at the ceiling. She needed a moment to compose herself. The blonde had no idea the incident that happened almost 13 years ago could still have this effect on her. Feeling it was time to just let it all go, she continued. “What compelled you that night to fuck everything we had?”

“Don’t you mean what we didn’t have?” Ashley muttered, but loud enough for Spencer to hear.

“What are you saying? Just cause we weren’t a couple you had the right to sleep with someone else?” Spencer asked in disbelief.

“No! I didn’t say that! Look, whatever I’m gonna say here tonight, it isn’t going to take away the pain or the hurt nor is it gonna justify what I did. So why do you need to put yourself and me through this all?”

“Because I have the need to be a martyr. Because I want to know what I did wrong. Because I need to know what I did that pushed you into someone else’s arms!” Spencer exclaimed. She looked Ashley in the eye and with a small voice said. “Because I need to know why you didn’t love me.”