Ashley’s heart broke all over again. It reminded her of the same moment Spencer walked in on her while having sex with that other girl. She quickly moved over to where Spencer was sitting and sat down on the coffee table directly in front of the other woman. “Oh babe, I did love you and I always have. I never stopped.”

“Then why?” Spencer asked, with tears in her eyes. “Why did you cheat? Why, why, why?!” She yelled frustrated.

“I don’t know Spencer. I was young and stupid. I wasn’t thinking clearly. And you were going around in donuts, confusing the shit out of me.”

“So it was my fault?”

Ashley groaned and threw her head back. “I didn’t say that!”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“Damnit Spencer, stop letting that temper get the best of you.”

“My temper’s fine.”

The brunette snorted. “Sure.”

Spencer stood up, took her glass of wine and walked over to her shelf with pictures. Momentarily she realized she probably did bury her entire relationship – or however you want to describe it – with Ashley in a big pit if she didn’t even put up one picture of her and the brunette. She had been avoiding it all these years.

“Look, I can’t do this right now, alright. So I’m just gonna go.” Ashley said and picked up her purse.

“Running away again?” Spencer spat out. She didn’t know what forced her to be act this way but suspected she maybe hadn’t forgiven Ashley as much as she thought she did.

“Running away? I wasn’t the one that moved to the fucking east coast after graduation!” Ashley retorted. She sighed for the umpteenth time that night and hugged herself.

A sign telling Spencer the brunette was feeling very uncomfortable. She wanted to cut her some slack. Tell her she had indeed forgiven her, like she said in the diner a few days ago. But she couldn’t push herself to do so. She wasn’t sure if she’d be telling the truth. With all these old feelings of anger and frustration resurfacing, Spencer wasn’t sure of a lot of things anymore. She was confused, to say the least.

Trying to cut through the obvious and deafening silence, Ashley tried again. “I’m just…” But what was she supposed to say? Sorry sounded to hollow. Her angry side told her to just blow off the blonde but she had learned a long time her angry side didn’t know shit.

“You just know what?” Spencer pushed when Ashley didn’t continue.

Ashley rolled her eyes and turned around. “I really can’t do this right now.” And before Spencer actually realized it, Ashley had left her apartment.

“Ashley!” Spencer tried but knew it was too late. She briefly contemplated going after the brunette but thought it was maybe better for both to calm down first. There was no sense in yelling at each other without actually saying something.

She walked into her kitchen and opened her fridge. She picked out a bottle of beer and flicked off the cap. Absentmindedly she threw the cap in the general direction of her sink and took a good swig of the bottle.

How could it be that one night, one event could evoke so many feelings and thoughts that they would just weaken the memory of good times. Of the many afternoons she spent at the beach with her best friend at the time. Or the times she and the brunette went for ice-cream. The days they spent in each other’s room talking about whatever that was on their minds.

Maybe she had tried fooling herself into believing she had indeed forgiven the brunette without dealing with it. Maybe she was scared of losing her again and took the high road to solve the problem. It was foolish of her to think that she could trust Ashley again by just simply telling her she forgave her. Trust was like a house, it’s supposed to be built – one brick at a time. So why had she tried putting up the wall in one move? Was she really that scared of losing Ashley again?

“Argh!” She yelled out into her empty apartment and put her head on her folded arms. She closed her eyes and asked herself why life had to be so difficult. “And I thought my teens were a bitch.” She grumbled.