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Give Up – (Chapter: Tears)
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Sick bastards
.Your no better than them. Your just like them.
No, I never find joy in something like that.
The voice in my head lets out a shrill laugh, it stops abruptly
I think Jonathan Gunn would beg to differ.
I clear the voices from my head when I hear my fathers voice.
"I’m going to keep this short and sweet. Jesse O’ Conner is dead because he made a decision. He decided to have a conversation with the feds about me. He decided it would be a good idea to double cross me, and this is the price he had to pay. Now I’ve been made a fool out of once, but I promise you it won’t happen again. And if by some chance another rat is able to snake it’s way into our circle the consequences with be far worse than this, I promise you that my friends."
He stops speaking and once again hoots and hollers fill my head. I shake my head in disgust and quickly walk down the steps heading to the door. The voice in my head reappears in an almost teasing tone.
Your just like them. No better. You’ll always be like them, it’s just who you are
.
When I reach the door I swing it open at a record speed, and nearly run the entire way to my car. I get in the car and slam the door shut hard. My cell phone rings loudly I know who it is immediately, so I snap and try my best to cut off what I’m feeling.
"Hey Ash."
"Hey Spence, where are you?"
I search my brain for an answer. "Clay was having car trouble so I had to go pick him up. I’m sorry I’m late. I’m leaving my house right now, so I should be there in ten minutes." I almost scared by how easily that lie came to my mind. And here I was thinking I had faced all my demons.
"Don’t worry about it Spence, I can wait. Just make sure you take your time driving. I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you."
"I’ll drive safely, don’t worry."
"All right, call me when you get here."
We say our goodbyes and hang up. I look out of the side window not moving. I know this isn’t the life for me. I know that I have to stay out of the business. But I know the next time dad knocks on my door asking me to close a deal with him, I know I’ll go. Because I’m apart of this family and its my responsibility to be there for them.
I let my head fall onto the steering wheel, and I cry. I cry for the man I put in the hospital so long ago, I cry for Jonathan Gunn, I cry for Jesse O’Connor, I cry for myself, I cry for the life I’ll never have, but mostly I cry for the lies I’ve feed Ashley, I cry knowing that one day she’ll discover my secrets and when that day comes she’ll want nothing to do with me. She’ll look at me disgusted and that’ll be the end.
I cry trying my best to wash away all of my sins, but I know no matter how long I cry, no matter how long I feel guilty, no matter how long I pray, I’ll never be forgiven.
Never
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nice update pms : )
Man, I feel bad for Spencer because she really didn’t have a choose in becoming part of this life. I guess I have to let go of my innocent Spencer because apparently she isn’t so innocent. I feel kind of scared for what is going to happen to Ashley if Arthur finds out who she is. Who knows what he would do to her? Another fantastic update! Looking forward to your next one.
awww poor spencer!! but what she doesnt know…ash already knows! she doesnt look at her with disgust. not at all. cuz the girls in l.o.v.e.! with that hot ass gun toting, person killing, leash carrying, drug princess. haha. great update!! excellent way to delve deeper into the darkness that is spencer.
ok, first of all…get spencer out of that business now!!!! i can’t deal with her being there…and i still don’t think that spencer is a murderer. it had to be self defense. see – she was crying..she isn’t a malicious person! ooooh, and i’m scared for ashley. her dad said that the next person from the feds is going to get it BAD…no. not ashley! make them run away together or something. please. ok, enough of that. i can’t wait for your next post!
Gah. Oh man, just let me apologize for not commenting your last post. It was great, just as this one was. Poor Spencer. If only she knew, then things might not be so bad. or they might be worse. Depends on how you look at it. I want Spencer to find her conscience and stop getting involved. They amy be her family, but that doesn’t mean she has to be like them. You get me so involved with your story. You have no idea. I’m completely captured by it. Update soon. Please, for pete’s sake, update soon. I love your story. I’ll be waiting here for an update. :] You’re awesome. And I think we need more Spashley interaction, don’t ya think? Not nessacarily them having hot minkey sex, although that would be cool, but I just want to see/ read them together. Woooot. Love it. PMS.
nice update pms : )
Man, I feel bad for Spencer because she really didn’t have a choose in becoming part of this life. I guess I have to let go of my innocent Spencer because apparently she isn’t so innocent. I feel kind of scared for what is going to happen to Ashley if Arthur finds out who she is. Who knows what he would do to her? Another fantastic update! Looking forward to your next one.
awww poor spencer!! but what she doesnt know…ash already knows! she doesnt look at her with disgust. not at all. cuz the girls in l.o.v.e.! with that hot ass gun toting, person killing, leash carrying, drug princess. haha. great update!! excellent way to delve deeper into the darkness that is spencer.
ok, first of all…get spencer out of that business now!!!! i can’t deal with her being there…and i still don’t think that spencer is a murderer. it had to be self defense. see – she was crying..she isn’t a malicious person! ooooh, and i’m scared for ashley. her dad said that the next person from the feds is going to get it BAD…no. not ashley! make them run away together or something. please. ok, enough of that. i can’t wait for your next post!
Gah. Oh man, just let me apologize for not commenting your last post. It was great, just as this one was. Poor Spencer. If only she knew, then things might not be so bad. or they might be worse. Depends on how you look at it. I want Spencer to find her conscience and stop getting involved. They amy be her family, but that doesn’t mean she has to be like them. You get me so involved with your story. You have no idea. I’m completely captured by it. Update soon. Please, for pete’s sake, update soon. I love your story. I’ll be waiting here for an update. :] You’re awesome. And I think we need more Spashley interaction, don’t ya think? Not nessacarily them having hot minkey sex, although that would be cool, but I just want to see/ read them together. Woooot. Love it. PMS.
Loved the post again. But now my mind is running wild wondering what Arthur will do when he finds out his daughter is dating a fed. Can’t wait to find out!! PMS!!
Loved the post again. But now my mind is running wild wondering what Arthur will do when he finds out his daughter is dating a fed. Can’t wait to find out!! PMS!!
ugh, shit! I almost forgot to post a comment! I LOVE THIS FIC! and Oh god, Ashley will forgive Spencer for sure, because she’s hot! okie, I had too much sugar today! lol PMS!
ugh, shit! I almost forgot to post a comment! I LOVE THIS FIC! and Oh god, Ashley will forgive Spencer for sure, because she’s hot! okie, I had too much sugar today! lol PMS!