Spencer’s POV

It’s the next day and i’m worried about what i’m going to do about Jackie and Ashley. I don’t know what to do. On one hand i have Jackie. She is smart, beautiful, she loves me, and is very commited to me. And on the other hand i have Ashley, the woman i love and have always been in love with. She is also beautiful and smart. She is also spontaneous and unpredictable… and did i mention i’m in love with her? It seems like an easy choice, right? Well it’s not. It’s a very hard choice. I just don;t want anyone to get hurt. I’m not even sure that’s possible… I mean, someone is definitely bound to get hurt, so there’s really no way around it. I know for a fact that i can’t go through with the marriage to Jackie. See, i have an extremely guilty conscience and i can’t and won’t be able to go through something like that. It would eat me up inside and i would eventually end up saying something, and most likely at the worst time possible, making it only a million times worse thatn it could have been if i had just been honest from the get go. I AM going to break it off with Jackie, but i’m also going to need my space from Ashley. I need to think things over between us. I know that Ashley is going to be devestated. But if i really want to make things right, then it has to be done. I need to know that both of us are ready and willing. Willing for…everything. Everything that comes with the territory of being in a relationship. I just have to find the right time to break it to them both.

This morning i left Ashley asleep in my bed to go to work. I have really gotten myself into quite some predicament. Jackie left me a voicemail last night, after i had ignored her call, and she said that she would be coming home tomorrow. I’m not sure how Ashley is going to take it when i tell her she can’t stay over anymore becaus my fiance is going to be back tomorrow. My guess is that it’s not going to go too well at all. I know that for sure she will flip. And i know she is probably expecting me to break it off with Jackie. And i mean, why wouldn’t she expect that…? She has every right to expect it. I’m leading her to believe that i want to be with only her, and it’s true. I do. It’s just that i need my time to myself. To set myself straight. I am going to break it off with Jackie. I just don’t know when. But i know that i’m going to break it first to Ashley and tell her that we need to put some ice on it.