“You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that,” my heart pounded in my chest, but I pleaded with my body to not betray me.

“Ashley why didn’t you think I’d understand?” Fuck, I think she knew.

“Understand what Spencer,” I was almost begging for her to just come out and tell me.

“Why didn’t you just tell me you were gay.” Her words caught me off guard. It was such a pleasant surprise I couldn’t help but smile in relief.

“Why didn’t I tell you I was gay?” I asked making sure I had heard the right question.

“Yes,” Spencer stated sounding aggravated.

“Spencer,” I tried not to laugh at how ridiculous the situation was sounding to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Why?” her tone never changed. I guess this must have really upset her.

“Spencer listen,” I grabbed her arm and pulled her down onto my couch with me. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner,” I began my explanation trying to figure out how much I really wanted to explain. “I wanted to Spencer.”

“Then why didn’t you?” she asked clearly more frustrated by my answer.

“Because I was afraid.” It was a true statement. I was afraid, but judging from her expression, I wasn’t afraid of what she thought I was.

“You’re afraid I wouldn’t understand?” she asked obviously confused.

“No, that’s not it at all.”

“Were you afraid I’d tell people?” she kept guessing.

“Spencer I’ve been out to my family and my school since grade school,” by this point I was laughing at the thought of still being in the closet.

“I don’t get it then,” Spencer gave up sliding into the couch.

“I was afraid or something I’ve been afraid of for a long time,” I sighed not really eager to begin my long explanation, but I couldn’t think fast enough on my feet to lie right now.

“I was afraid that if I told you I was gay, I’d fall for you,” I blurted out realizing how stupid the sentence sounded as it came out. Yep, let me just make myself look like a bigger idiot… “I’ve watched so many people get there hearts crushed over the years, I, I just didn’t want it to happen to me to.” I couldn’t help but remember resenting romantic movies for their fairy tale love that lasted through everything.

“Um,” was all that came out of her mouth, and like a normal person, I took that as a bad sound.

“Spencer, I, I don’t expect anything to happen,” was all I could say.

“So did you fall for me then?” Spencer asked meeting my eyes with her brilliant shade of blue.

“Yeah,” was all I could say, before forcing myself to look anywhere, anywhere but at her.

“Ash,” she whispered softly as I felt two fingers force me to look into those beautiful crystal eyes that I so adored.

“Yeah,” I replied trying to hold back tears I didn’t even know where they came from.

“You should have just told me.”

“I’m sorry,” was all I could manage to choke out and stop the tears from coming.

“Don’t be,” she smiled running her hand across my skin before doing something I never expected. Lips crashed into mine begging for contact, and silencing all my raging thoughts along with all of the dreams of what I always thought it would be like. Kissing back with the same force, I could feel the heat grow between us.

Pulling away, I could feel her hot breath run across my cheek as she whispered soothingly in my ear, “cause I fell for you too.”

Laying my head down on the small bed, I couldn’t help but wonder where to go from here. Shallow breaths came from the sleeping girl next to me. Starring at the ceiling, I knew it would be hard. It would take time, but it wasn’t the first time I’ve waited for Spencer, and it won’t be the last.

Laying my head down on the small bed, I couldn’t help but wonder where to go from here. Shallow breaths came from the sleeping girl next to me. Starring at the ceiling, I knew it would be hard. It would take time, but it wasn’t the first time I’ve waited for Spencer, and it won’t be the last.