“So your dads a pretty cool guy,” Aiden attempted to make conversation as we sat down on a blanket.

“Yeah,” I replied once again absentmindedly wishing I could make time tick by faster.

“Spencer,” Aiden stated his tone changing to serious. “If this makes you feel better, I don’t consider this a date.”

“Really?” I asked surprised.

“I’m already kind of seeing someone, and I know you’re gay anyways,” Aiden partially whispered the last part due to our surroundings.

“Did Ash tell you?”

“Yeah,” he replied as if he was worried he said something he shouldn’t have.

“Aiden, it’s fine,” I laughed at the boy. “You and Ash are really close aren’t you?” it was more of a rhetorical question. I could see how much the boy loved Ash like a close sister.

“She’s the sibling I never had,” Aiden smiled.

“So did you to ever…” I had to ask, but couldn’t bring myself to finish the question.

“Date? Oh, god know,” Aiden cracked up laughing leaving me confused. I didn’t think it was that funny. “Ash knew she liked girls back when we were in the first grade.” He was still laughing at the thought, but his words left me slightly baffled.

“Wait, Ashley is gay?” Studying the boys face, it looked like this time he realized that he did actually give away something he wasn’t supposed to.

“You’re kidding right? She never told you?” he asked seeming just as confused as me.

“No, she didn’t…”

She didn’t know how to make it right, but neither did I. My heart felt so heavy that it was sinking, and bringing me down with it. I’d never felt this helpless or lost before. I just wish there was some way I could tell him one last time that I’m sorry, that I love him. God, I miss him. I don’t know how to cope. All I know how to do is shut out the world around me, and build walls to protect the rest of my shattered heart. I didn’t know how to break them down anymore. I just wish I could somehow tell this to the girl next to me, the beautiful girl that had been there every step of the way even when I acted as if I didn’t need her. She still never backed down, so then why couldn’t I?