“Whatever lesbo,” he huffed before walking away. Leaving me to pick up right where I had left off not knowing that what I had just said might come back later…

After this the dreams just seemed to get worse and worse. The fire seemed more real as it burned through my flesh and stung my eyes. Everything felt so real. I knew Spencer was getting worried. She was there for me every night trying to soothe me as I shook underneath her. I could tell it was killing her not knowing how to help, but I didn’t know how to stop or make it go away. Madison’s words repeated in my mind. I didn’t know how to explain this to Spencer. I didn’t know how to tell her how far away I felt, how it was my fault. Maybe that’s why I had to walk this road on my own. Maybe this was why I had to be all alone.

So I watch the fire envelop my mind, body, and soul, slowly taking over leaving nothing but ash to remain. Maybe this is why I felt like less of a person sometimes. Maybe it was because she had burned away, and she was the best part of me. Without her I’d been incomplete. And I never found a way to fix it.

School after that was hell. I went back to the hell hole with bloody fists and blood shot eyes, leaving them to think they got to me. Little did they know, I‘d broke a long time ago.

“Ash,” Spencer shook me awake.

“What,” I stirred awake, my body still exhausted.

“We got to get ready for school,” she paused biting her lip as she seemed to examine me. “Ash you look exhausted.”

“Yeah, I’m a little tired,” I sighed sitting up.

“You should be, you shook all last night,” she stated with so much sadness in her voice. She didn’t even try to hide it, cause she knew I’d see right through her anyway.