I thought that if I could protect her from everything, I could save her. But what I didn’t realize was that it was inevitable. She was at the top. The only way she could go was down. And that’s where she went.

I don’t know when it all started, maybe when her dad died or her mom left for good. Either way she was alone. I was the only one who stuck around, high school, college, long after we first met over spilt coffee. How could I not. She drew me in and I fell so hard. I never meant to. She had a power over people. I was no exception to that. I was under her spell from the very beginning.

I can’t say when exactly I realized I was in love with her. It sort of crept up on me and by the time I understood, she was already on the wrong track. I was so naïve in thinking that my love could save her. Nothing could.

—

A Conversation

Ashley…what is this stuff?

Oh, Spence, tell me you’re not going through my shit again.

Ash? Why do you have this?

Mmm…you know I need it before I do a gig. It’s the only thing that gets me through the night.

I thought we went over this. You said you quit.

I did.

So this just magically appeared?

Don’t make a mockery of me. Look, just give it to me, okay?

You’re out of your mind. Are you high right now? How much did you take?

Here we go with the questions again. Why this and why that? Ashley, Ashley, ASHLEY!

You should have been an actress rather than a rock star.

And you should have been hetero.

Pause

Fuck you. You had no right to say that to me.

You’re right. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Please, Spence. I didn’t mean it.

Of course you didn’t. You never do.

I love you, you know that, don’t you? With all my heart.

—

She was using again. That was the first clue but I was so blinded by her lies. She always was a wonderful storyteller. I guess that’s why her music was so captivating. She never sang to the audience. She was always telling them a story. I should have known. She hated fairytales.