Part 22

The escape… in the mirror

But it does not function. The more hastily I the wine drink, the… it is, as if it would know, which I thereby aim at and this effect intentionally turn around. Am I now through-slammed completely? Now I nevertheless smoothly already think, that my wine turns also still against me. How crazy is it? My heart is so heavy, not the thoughts, not the feelings, nothing of all can be away-rinsed, even, if I the whole flat empty became. You know still, we always joked a little at it. You made yourself concerns around me, because I came a few minutes later, as announced. I always said, that a back-up was or still another call, which I could not say: later. And you said: „Do not hunt' for me so a fright in, ask.“ You said, without me my life would be so senseless, so imperfectly, so empty. You had then already your second glass wine and I you asked, whether you really believe, that it would faster have gone, if you slowly drink too much in yourself here? Thus I brought you to the smile and was always your concerns flew. A few hours later, it was at night in bed, I had fallen asleep already nearly. A few hours later, it was at night in bed, I had fallen asleep already nearly. Suddenly you straightened up, You to me turned and said: „Fast perhaps not, but if I am drunk enough, I see you with me and the world am correct simply here!“ We laughed tears. Yes, Bette, you could do that particularly well, on a question or a situation grant from cheerful sky to answer later, completely connectionless… That made each of these remarks a funny Insider and took any tensions from the instant.

LonelyHeart had reminded me of you. The kind, as it wrote, the thoughts, it made itself. The secret, it surrounded a secret that according to their opinion so badly, was so shameful, that it rather hid it, to talk as. You so often tried, me of the bad one, to keep far by unpleasant things and negative experiences, in order to then constitute it all alone with you, to carry however the load. You really believed, I would not notice, if somewhat were not correct, if you somewhat loaded? Yes, you were firmly convinced of it, that I would not see it. And you gave yourself so much trouble, to keep upright this illusion, although I long already checks up you had.