Although we knew not yet long there was so much nearness between us, so much closeness, and so much self-evident fact. I have always believed that I never experienced this, this intensity of the love, this warmth of the thoughts, and this indestructible tape of a respect. At that time I asked myself how deep all that was probably in a few years, like silently, unconditionally, blind in most positive of all senses. Only I have not imagined of course that these words can also work so negatively on a respect, and that from wordless blind understanding also silently blind understanding could become that unreserved devotion could lead to unreserved task. The more I loved you, the more time we spent with each other, the more intensely we planned our life, the more of course I saw you, and the more of course I took you. I knew, I could count on you that you would follow me, to me would hold. And without it became conscious by me, I have you to an object of my everyday life, my life degrades. You had not earned this, Tina, nobody has earned in a respect. From the former one to "us" I did "I", more still … my self-evident fact. These were not any more our life, our plans, our jobs, our friends, our purposes … everything changed, I changed it to my life, my plans, my job, my friends, my purposes … Jesus as selfish I was, nevertheless. I am sorry in such a way, Tina. I was such an idiot.

This trip, this endless way on the Interstate 5, a way without purpose slowly develops to a way in the past, to a kind of pilgrim's way on a stony path of my being. You sit beside me, while I talk to me to you, however, you are quiet. In the life I have never talked so much in a piece and all the same, how long it already lasts, you still listen to me. I have always admired your infinite patience. You sometimes have a calmness which did me now and then to the insanity and today, today I enjoy this calmness. I would have had to understand already much earlier that this was no provocation On your part, but that you wanted to catch me so to understand to me wanted to give that it is good, everything is good that there was no reason to be put under stress nervously, annoyed or. Everything would become good, as long as we only were in shape, as long as we knew that we loved each other, as long as … to me surrendered … gave up us, everything destroyed us destroyed … … And, nevertheless, after all years you still listen, you know if now you interrupt me, I would become only annoyed and lend even more expression to my discontent. I would work myself up more and more to me finally would also be quiet and thus would eat my fury in me. It had always been the valve, this well measure my mood balanced. Once again becomes clear to me, nevertheless, how many more I was by you.