Chapter 8: A Journey Into The Closet/Burning Down The House (pick your favourite)

We wanted to do more than just kill those two Tongue-Twisters, we wanted to burn their cottage down. So we went to the bookshelves and found some dumb books written by dumb dykes. Rita Mae Brown, Jeanette Winterson, Sarah Waters, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Virginia Woolf, Radclyff Hall, Jane Rule, and many other lezbo sluts. The books were Whistle Stop Cafe, Fried Green Tomatoes, Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, Fingersmith, Rubyfruit Jungle, The Well Of Lonliness, Deserts Of The Heart , and many other lezbo trash written by these homo heffas. We then threw them all in a pile.

We then got pictures and artwork from all over the house. There were some artwork of Georgia O'Keefe, Frida Kohl, and many others. We also got pictures of Nikki and Helen with other celebrities and they were many of them. It was pictures of them with Martina Navratolova (however the fuck you spell her name), Billy Jean King, Samantha Fox (your day will come), Kylie Minogue (her day already came), the four cast members of Sex In The City , Sophie Ward, Melissa Etheridge, Nelly Furtado, Christina Aguillera, Jenna Jameson, Nikki Cox, Stephanie Swift, Katrina from Katrina and the Waves, Elton John, George Michael, Saffron Burrows, Ellen Degenerate, Lousy O'Donnell, and many others. We then threw in the same pile with the books.

"Hey didn't you kill Martina, Kylie, and that bulldagger Billy Jean King." Jim interrupted.

"Yep, those bring me back some golden memories."

Then we went in their bedroom and found a few more pictures. I guess they were special since they're in the bedroom. There was one of Nikki and Helen with Jessie and Katie, it was signed by both Jessie and Katie. It said on it 'Thanks for being a trailblazer for all of us and for you frienship, Jessica Sammler and Katherine Singer'. I don't know about her being a trailblazer, but in a matter of minutes she will be in a blazing fire! We got those and put them in the pile. Then I saw in the pile a Celtic football team jersey, it must have belong to Helen. I fucking hate Celtic, Rangers all the way! (well not really, my favourite Scottish team is actually Aberdeen). So I sneezed and spit on it like the dirty rag it is.