“That you were gay?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just always kind of known,” she replied flipping onto her back and starring at the ceiling. “It just feels right. You know what I mean? I mean, how do you know you’re straight?”

“Good question,” was all I could manage to say. How did I know I was straight?

“I guess,” she paused thinking about it, “when I look at a guy, I only see and feel friendship. But when I see a girl I like, there’s this feeling that I get where my heart seems to be on fire. It’s the times where I feel like I’m really alive, and not just going through the motions,” she smiled imagining the sensation. “I guess it helped too that I had a crush on my best friend when I was five.”

“Must be nice,” I mumbled.

“Come on, like the high school god doesn’t make your heart stop beating?”

“No, actually. He kind of repulses me.”

“Shit happens,” she mocked me.

“Na uh, not fair,” I whined hitting her arm playfully. “You do not get to use my saying.”

“Oh hey,” she jolted up quickly changing the conversation faster than I could keep track of.

“What are you doing?” I asked sitting up to see her rummaging through her drawer.

“Earlier we made that bet.”

“But I lost,” I replied still confused.

“Yeah, well, I wrote the song a few days after you crushed my hopes and dreams at tryouts. It’s not all that true, but you inspired me,” Ashley joked before sitting back down next to me with her pad in hand.

“Are you going to sing it for me?” I grinned.

“Sure,” she replied situating herself on the bed “But no laughing,” she smiled even though I could tell she was serious. I just nodded my head in agreement and watched her as she took a deep breath…

“I’ll take the blame

Will never let it fall on you

You got to know by now

My intentions were good if you would just let me follow through

Give me a moment to collect my thoughts

A moment to find the right words to say

In this moment, I can feel you fade away,” her voice soothed over every word beautifully, causing an emotion to surface that I’ve never felt before. She brushed back hair from her face with her hand, never once glancing in my direction to see my response.