It was early in the morning, Tina was waiting for Alice at the Planet.
She was trying to read the paper but it was being difficult. She could not stop thinking about Bette and the hotel at the mountains.
She was feeling very confuse. Confuse with her own actions and confuse with Bettes reactions. After dozing off for a couple of hourse she woke up finding Bette already dress and ready to go. She said she had a call from work and needed to come back to the city. It was ok with Tina to come back but shed feel there was something else in Bettes mind. She was still uneasy about the morning *****.

Bettes reaction was strange, even to her. She wasnt as warm as Tina hoped on their way back home.
Tina was still not sure about what she wanted with Bette but she had to face the fact that her desire for Bette was there. It was like she could not leave her alone, she wanted to touch her all the time, wanted to feel her but still she was scare to be touch by Bette.

Tina was so lost in her thoughts that she didnt see sitting down at her table.


“Earth calling sleepy beauty!”, Alice was smiling at Tina, snapping her fingers on her face.

“Eh? Oh, hi Al”.
Alice smiled, finding Tinas look quite funny.
“So, do we celebrate?”
“Celebrate what Al?”
“Oh I dont know Mm let me think? Mars discovery?, The Murmurs latest single? That the president might not be re-elected?…what you think T?”
Tina laughed at Alices.

“Yeah, the president is a good one (rose her coffee to take a small sip) Cheers”
“No, seriously Tee, how are you? and (looked around) where is Bette?”
“I dont know Al, it was going well, I think but then (Tina started to blush, even now was difficult to her to talk about her new found ***** driven)I think I blew it.”
“Why?”
“I dont know, I… I well you know (Tina was mimicking , trying to show Alice what she did to Bette) She was sleeping and I woke her.”
“Wow T, wow that and your Saturday dance show gives you a new image…wow”

Tina was not smiling, was still thinking. Alice noticed her seriousness.
“Tee, am sure Bette loved it. That cant be it
I dont know Al. Maybe, maybe it was Jacks call.”
“What call?”
“Jack call me while I was asleep and I know Bette knows it.”
“Knows what, T?
“That she called me.”
“Ohh, that, ok.”
“Yeah, But Al, we talked about Jack, I told her what I feel.”
“You did?”
“Yeah”
“And?”
“And what Al?”
What did she say? Alice could not believe Tina told Bette about Jack.

“Nothing”
“What you mean nothing? Cmon T, dont play with me”
Tina sighed before answering Alice.
“She said that she hated that I hated to be in love with her.”
What? Alice didnt understand anything.
Tina smiled at Alices clueless face.

“Al (laughed) you sounds like Dana
“Thats not funny T, tell me everything please.”
“I told Bette that I love Jack”
“You did what?”
Alice spilled her coffee as she was sipping it the moment Tina talked.

“*****!, sorry T.”
Tina was giggling, it felt good to be able to laugh when she was so confuse.

“Its ok, Al, you want another one?”
Forget about the coffee (Alice was trying to clean the coffee spot from her shirt), just explain it to me, okfrom the beginning, but in order MG! you are the worst story teller ever!
“Ok. Bette asked me if I loved Jack (looked at Alice full in the face, not really waiting for a reaction). I told her yes. But then after a few seconds I told her that I wasnt in love with her.
With Bette? MG T, youd just stabbed her, could have been less painful!
Alice you are not listening!, I told Bette that I was NOT in love with Jack
Ohhh ok. Alice sighed deeply.

At that moment Shane was reaching their table. She heard Tinas statement while sitting down.

Guys
Shane Both Tina and Alice said at the same time.

Shane looked at them quiet, waiting for them to go on. Alice looked at Tina who was, again lost in her thoughts.

So, speaking of the devil Alice was trying to change the subject.
What? Shane was asking Alice, not looking at Tina
Alice, always the gossip queen was happy with the news she was going to share. Leaning on the table, urged her friends to join her.

“So you know the news?”
“What news Al?” Tina was interested, wondering.
“Jack is June Hasselblads granddaughter.”

Alice was proud of herself, was waiting for all the ohh, and ahhs, but instead got nothing.

Come on guys, I googled her. Mg I know you dont care about that Shane but You Tina, for God sake! June Hasselblad! She is the most reclusive movie star since Garbo!

Alice leaned back on her chair, could not believe their reactions. Neither of them said anything, they were just smiling at her.
“What? (Alice looked from Tina to Shane and back) YOU KNEW IT?”

Both of her friends nodded, smiling.

“YOU KNEW IT?”
Hey Al, relax, no need to scream! Shane was trying to calm her friend, enjoying her amazement.
I cant believe it! Guys, GUYS.. I need to know that kind of things, this is huge! How come you two knew it.
She told me Said Shane nonchalantly
Yeah agreed Tina.

Alice was sipping the rest of her already cold coffee, trying to understand her friends. Tina and Shane were looking at her, smiling.



Bette was on her way to the Planet. She knew that the gang was there and wanted to see Tina. She was still confuse abut the recent events in her life.
As she was driving there she remembered the day before. How anxious she felt after what happened in her head. She watched Tina sleep till she could no longer stand not knowing what was happening with her. She needed to talk with Dan Foxworthy, needed to go back to the city. But looking at a peaceful sleepy Tina she didnt want to wake her up.
Looking at her she felt the need to try to understand her feeling, she wanted to put in order her thoughts so she took a sheet of paper and started writing them down.



“Tee,
I dont know if this I a letter to you or to me. I need to write down my thoughts, and feelings, maybe that way Ill understand why my mind is so mess up.
I love you Tina.
Of that am totally sure. I dont need to think about it. I feel it in every pore of my body, in every beat of my heart. I wake up in the morning praying for you to be back in my life.
I dream about you when Im not with you. I see you in every corner of our house, in every song I listen to, in every smile I see around.

I know I love you with all my heart.
But then I think about what just happened and am so confuse. I cant, god Its so difficult! I cant understand why while you were there, with me, while I was feeling you, while I was dying for you, when I was thinking about you I cant understand why Candances name came to my mind. Even writing her name down hurts T. I hate it, I hate not knowing why am so weak, why am so confuse. I know I dont love her, I know I dont want her, I dont even lust her anymore, so why? Why is this happening? Why now?
I dont know T. Im afraid to talk with you. I want to tell you but am scare to do it. Am scare that you wont be able to trust me, to believe in me. I need you to believe in me T. I need you to be the strong one. I need you to believe in us.
Tee, I dont know why this is happening, as I am writing this I already called my therapist. I need to know how to fix this. No, wait. Not fix, I dont need to fix, I need to work things out. I need to understand what this means.
Reading all this Im starting to realize a few things. Damn that therapist is good! Im not even there and I already working.

What I mean is that I think am scare. And you know how much I hate to be scare. Ive come from being hopeless to being scare. Im scare about you. Im scare of you. Im scare of this new Tina. Im scare that even when I can see your honesty, I know that you didnt use me, that you really wanted to do what you did to me, well (dont get me wrong, I loved it T, mg you know I did) well, I m scare of that new you. Im scare that you dont need me anymore. Im scare that Jack (funny name, suits her I have to say) means much more for you that you want to realize.
Im scare to let you free, scare to wait and see what you want because I know you. I know how much I hurt you. And I know how lucky I once was. And luck never knocks twice on the same door.
I guess that all those fears made me, again, run away(at least in my mind) to seek for comfort, that was Candance to me (still dont know if you read the email I wrote you about it god am talking with you and I dont even know if am going to send this). Candance was that for me, I wanted you but was scare to get to you, so I went after her trying to find you in there. Didnt work and I lost you.

But not again T. I dont know how but I will work things out. I will find the courage to tell you, to seek for you. I have, need, must find you.
I know where you are, I just need to find the road to get to you.
I hope you will wait, just a little longer baby.
I love you T and not only that, Im so in love with you that it hurts. Just spending two days with you I fell in love with you all over again. This new you scares me, But is so you. I always knew there was that Tina inside, and knowing it made me powerful, proud.
Now I just need to learn how to leave with that new Tina, how to get to you.
I love you all, old and new Tina, and I will make you love me again.