“Tee I love you. I want to fight for us but you have to give me something to fight for. I want a family, I want children. I don’t care if they are black, white, green or purple. I just want healthy, happy children raised in an environment where they know they are loved, wanted, and cared for. I want them to live up to their potential and aspirations and not be held back because of their parentage or the color of their skin. I want a partner that shares the same core values and beliefs. I need to be with someone that wants the same things that I do. We don’t have to agree on everything but we need to at least be on the same page fundamentally. Until a few months ago I thought we were solid. I thought we had all that but now I just don’t know what to think. I was going to ask you to go to a couples retreat at a Buddhist Monastery in Vermont with me next week to see if we could salvage this, but under the circumstances I think it’s best if we just take some time apart. I’m going to do the 10 day silent retreat in Mt Olympia Washington instead. I’ll leave after the Provocations opening and I’d appreciate if you’re not here when I get back. I’ll be in touch in a few weeks and we can talk then about a legal separation.”

“Legal separation?”

“Yes. That’s what you want isn’t it or did you want a divorce?”

“No. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want a legal separation. I don’t know what the fuck I want?”

“Tee. I can appreciate that you are going through something right now that isn’t making any sense to you. You need time to explore it and figure out what it is and what you want. I can forgive Daddyof2. If you want to go to counseling to see if we can work this out together or if you need time and space I’m here to support that. But if you want to be with Josh or anyone else then I think it’s best that we make it a clean break. I won’t get into a push me pull me relationship with you. I won’t be manipulated by your hot and cold behaviors towards me. I’m hurting so badly right now Tee. You are not only my wife and my lover but you’re my best friend. You have my heart and soul and my love forever but I can’t do this anymore. This past year has been agony for me and I know for you as well. I think a separation will be good for both of us. I’ll go to the retreat while you get settled and we’ll talk again in a few weeks. If by then you have some answers and you want to try to work it out I’ll try too, but you need to make the first move. You need to show me that you want to fight for us too. If ‘us’ isn’t what you want then we’ll make it legal and go our separate ways. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to get dressed for work.”

Bette got up from the breakfast table and went to the master bedroom to get showered and dressed for work leaving Tina dumbfounded. She didn’t know what Bette’s reaction was going to be but she didn’t anticipate a legal separation or even talk of divorce so soon.

“What the fuck have I done?”

Tina’s tears flowed uncontrollably as she watched the love of her life walking away knowing that she was the cause of all the hurt and defeat reflected in Bette’s posture. Tina just didn’t know what else to do. For weeks she’d been fighting the feelings but when she was with Bette it just didn’t feel right anymore. She’d convinced herself that even though she loved Bette this wasn’t the life for her.

As Bette went through the motions of showering and getting dressed she was utterly devastated. How did they get here? Tina had ripped her heart out with her confession about men and her feelings for Josh. Although she told Tina she would try she wasn’t sure if they would ever recover from this. Bette could have dealt with everything else but Tina wanting to be with a man was something she obviously could not compete with. She thought it best to give Tina time and space to make her choice. If she wanted Bette then she would have to fight for her. If she didn’t then Bette would have to find a way to live without the only woman she’d ever loved.