“Its always about ***** with you isnt it!” Shane yelled at herself in the mirror for what seemed like the hunderedth time. Didn’t she want more than that? Wasn’t she capable of more than that?
The number of notches in her bad post had forced her to cut all the way through the back board. After all, 1200 notches is enough to do that.
Her wet hair stuck to her forhead and her eyeliner hadn’t come off entirely in the shower. It left long gray streaks down her cheeks and made her look like she’d been crying for hours. But… she’s Shane, she doesn’t do that.
She walked out of the bathroom, plain white towel wraped around her slim frame. Her four roomates were out at ther respective jobs and she was the only one home. The only one who lost their job and their would – be – salon for cheating on their girl friend with that person’s daughter. Oh wait! She didn’t… oh well she cant tell Cherie that, not with that goddamn restraining order in place.
She walked over to the window, dropping the towel to the floor on her way. She looked out into the midmorning california sunlight thinking how much nicer it would be on her advil resistant head ache if it was night time.
She sat down hard on the floor. Her small body naked and shaking with barely restrained tears. She sat there thinking how pathetic she must look for God knows how long. She thought about how her life had been a continuous flow of bad luck (with the exception of her close friends), about how hard everything seemed to be. Finally she started thinking about Cherie.
She loved her, she even admited to loving her, and what happens, huh? She gets so shot down that she got a restraining order made against her.
At this thought she began to cry out right. She cried and cried. Her eyes got redder and puffier and her frame was interminably wracked with her forceful sobs. She fell backwards so she was lying flat on her back on the hard wood floor somewhere along the line. Later she curled herself into a self defensive fetal curl, still crying her heart out.
Suddenly it stopped. SHe just stopped needing to cry. She remembered something she hid a long time ago, the only question on her mind now was how to find it. She got up feeling dehydrated after crying for so long.
She looked out the window once more and wasn’t a bit surprised to see the sun setting down towards the beach.
She turned around and walked straight over to the night stand. She oppened the drawer and dug. SHe searched around in there until she felt her finger tips touch something metal.
She pulled it out and found it was just the thing she was looking for.
She lifted the bullet towards her face, “its been a long time, my friend.” She brought the tip to her nose closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt it coat her throat. Her cure for now.
Blow, baby, blow.