Candace pulled away, searching Bettes eyes for the permission to continue, but not finding it.

I should go, shouldnt I? she asked, even though it was apparent from the look of complete horror on Bettes face.

Yeah, you should, Bette murmured.

Candace looked at her for a moment longer, making sure she really wasnt wanted, then picked up her bag and left.

As soon as the door closed behind her Bette crumbled, falling onto the couch as she started to cry uncontrollably.

Oh God, what have I done?

It hadnt been unexpected, Candace had given her a warning, but Bette still let her kiss her. And she kissed her back, because it felt good. Because it had been a long time since Tina had kissed her with that much lust.

Tina

She had to call her. She pulled out her cell and dialled Tinas number, trying to calm herself down and catch her breath enough to be able to string a few words together.

It rang for a long time, and Bette was just about to give up hope when Tina answered, her voice thick from sleep.

~Bette? Whats going on? Are you ok?~

Tina was worried. It was almost two oclock in the morning, and shed spoken to Bette only a few hours later, so it was only reasonable that she would be concerned when she rang. Bette silently admonished herself for worrying Tina.

Everythings fine, she said, feeling a lump rise up in her throat. I justI

She trailed off, unable to find a believable reason to be calling Tina at this time. Her ears were ringing, her head buzzing, full of thoughts that she couldnt even bear to acknowledge for fear they might be true.

~Baby?~

I needed to hear your voice, Bette admitted in a whisper. Im scared Im falling apart, and I need you.

~What do you mean youre falling apart? Whats happened?~

I cant tell you over the phone. Please baby, I know youre supposed to be having a holiday but She took a deep, shuddering breath. I really want you to come home as soon as you can. Please.

~Well get on the road first thing in the morning.~

Bette closed her eyes and fell back into the coach, massaging her forehead with her hand. She had hoped that Tina would set off right then, so she would be back before lunch.

Oh.

Sensing Bettes distress, Tina explained. ~We cant set off now, because weve all been drinking, so were all way over the limit.~

Its ok, Bette lied, upset but knowing there was nothing that could be done about it. Ill be fine. But pleaseas soon as you can.

~Are you sure you are going to be ok till then? Baby, Im really scared, tell me whats going on.~

I cant T, not over the phone.

There was a loud sigh before Tina spoke again. ~Ok, Ill call you just before we set off.~

Thanks, Bette said softly, a small, fleeting smile making its way onto her face before it was chased away by her demons. Tina, I love you. So much. I love you so much.

~I love you too. Ill call, ok?~

Yeah.

Bette ended the call and let her head drop into her hands, wondering exactly when her world had disintegrated so completely.

*****

Tina looked at the phone with a mixture of puzzlement and anxiety. For the first time in the seven years she had been with Bette she had sounded undone. Sure, she got angry and upset, and went to Tina for reassurance, her arms and soothing words healing the wounds. But she had never sounded sodesperate.

Who wassat? Alice slurred sleepily, and Tina turned to see her best friend regarding her with bleary eyes.

Bette, she told her. We need to leave as soon as we are sober enough.

Alice was awake fully now, sitting up and reaching out to put a comforting hand on Tinas shoulder. Why? Whats happened?

I dont know, Tina said quietly, tears springing up as her mind raced with what could have happened to put Bette in that state. She didnt want to tell me over the phone. But Al, she was really upset. What if?

Uh-uh, Alice cut her off, pulling Tina into her arms. No what ifs. Youll worry yourself too much and then you wont be able to sleep the alcohol off.

Tina knew she was right so, concentrating hard on not letting her imagination get the better of her, she lay in Alices embrace and let herself dream about her and Bette’s first kiss.

*****

Bette phoned James early the next morning, and told him she would be working from home as she wasnt feeling so good. She wanted to be home when Tina got back, so they could talk straight away. Shed spent a restless night tossing and turning, and knew she had to tell Tina about Candace before it ate away at her.

After a rather feeble attempt to make breakfast, Bette made her way outside and lay in the pool lounger, trying to decide exactly how she would word her confession to cause the least damage.

Three hours later she awoke to Tina gently brushing the hair out of her face.

Hey, Bette croaked, drinking in the sight of her wife as if it was the last time shed ever see her.

Hey baby, Tina whispered, smiling as Bettes fingertips drifted over her features, as if trying to commit them to memory.

They maintained eye contact for a few moments, then Bette drew a surprised Tina into a tight hug, pulling her onto the lounger on top of her. I love you, she murmured into Tinas hair.

Tina reached up and kissed her, a sweet, chaste kiss that told Bette she loved her too. Whats going on?

I need to tell you something, Bette said, her voice strained, eyes skittish and nervous

Umok.

Bette took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak. But no words came out.

How could she? How could she tell her lover, of seven years, that yesterday she had kissed another woman? How could she explain that, less than twelve hours ago, she had broken the vows that she had taken as she placed her ring on Tinas finger?

How could she break her heart like that?

But, how could she not tell her? She had to. Their relationship was built on trust and respect. She had to tell her, or else it would fester in her mind until it was ready to burst out, and the consequences then would be much worse.

I kissed Candace, she blurted out quickly before she lost the nerve.

Tina was still for a few seconds, then she wrenched herself out of Bettes grasp and stood up, her expression changing swiftly from concern to anger and devastation.

You kissed Candace? she repeated in disbelief, running her hand through her hair.

Bette nodded, sitting up. IkissedCandace.

Tina stared at her, then turned and started to walk into the house.

Tina! Bette called out desperately, leaping up and grabbing Tina by the arms. Tina, please. Just, hear me out.

Tina stopped in her tracks, then slowly turned back around. Why should I? she asked, her voice breaking on every word.

Because I love you. Because it didnt mean anything. Because she kissed me, and I responded, imagining it was you.

You thought it was me?

Bette sighed. No, Ishe kissed me, ok? And, Id been missing you all day, and I just kindalet my mind think what it wanted to. I kissed her back, imagining I was kissing you. But then, I put my hand on her neck, and she didnt feel like you. She didnt smell like you, she didnt taste like you. And then I realised what I was doing, and I pulled away.

Tina looked away, but Bette placed her finger under her chin and turned her face so she could look in her doubting eyes.

I swear baby, I love you. I never would have Bette trailed off as her eyes held Tinas gaze beseechingly. When she saw Tina wasnt convinced, she fought back her tears and carried on. You are my life. I love you, I am madly, truly, deeply in love with you, and I want only you. This has proved it to me, that no one could ever take your place in my heart, my home or my bed.

Tinas face softened slightly, but the anger and betrayal was still visible in her eyes.

Did she turn you on? she asked, swallowing hard to stop the bile rising in her throat at the thought.

No, Bette breathed. The thought of kissing you, feeling that lust in your kiss, turned me on. But sheshe doesnt turn me on.

Good, Tina whispered, crumbling as she fell into Bette’s arms. They both began to cry, holding on to each other for dear life.