Although the frown between his eyebrows intensified, the man swallowed up his worry and heaved a sigh before nodding in acceptance.

***

”Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,” the words flowed from Bette’s trembling lips in a tearful semiwhisper, but audible enough for the priest that listened to her silently on the other side of the enclosed confessional. The crushed brunette was kneeling on the kneeler before the screen with her head bowed slightly as if in shame. She had started crying already in her car after pulling up to the church, thus far having been unable to stop the tears that were pouring out of her eyes like incessant rain.

Swallowing the still another rising wave of tears, Bette continued, ”It’s been uh…eighteen years since my last confession…”

”What troubles you, my child?” the priest’s gentle voice encouraged as he sensed some hesitation from his parishioner.

Bette held her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking convulsively. She couldn’t help herself, couldn’t be strong anymore. ”Oh Father, a day won’t be long enough to list all my sins…”

”Let me help you begin then, my child. Tell me, have you taken the name of the Lord in vain?”

”Yes,” the brunette managed to say, sniffling.

”Were you impatient, angry, envious, proud, jealous, revengeful, lazy?”

Bitterly ashamed of herself, Bette closed her sore eyes and gave the priest another positive response.

”Have you ever told a lie? Have you committed adultery?”

”I have, yes…”

Through the grid Bette could see the priest hold his chin in the shadows of confessional. ”Have you stolen? Have you comitted murder?”

”Yes, yes, yes,” Bette wailed, nodding her head uncontrollably. ”I have, Father, and I feel so miserable that I just want to curl up and die somehow…”

”Rather than wanting to die, have faith in God to determine the time of our passing.”

”But I can’t go on any longer, I just can’t…” the irrepressible brunette got out in sobs.

The priest listened to the remorseful weeps for a few moments, rubbing his forehead in contemplation. Before long he started with a question, ”What motivated you to commit murder?”

”My–my boss gave me the order. I’m involed in organized crime.”

”He gave you the order and you found it necessary to execute it? Did you consider your existence more important than the departed soul’s existence?”

Bette wiped her nose with a handkerchief as she searched for words. ”No, I didn’t,” she replied truthfully, ”but I did consider the existence of people I love more important. To keep them save was my only motivation to execute his order.”

”Did you think about the people you love when you were doing it?”

Bette frowned. ”I don’t know… I’m not sure I remember that. I can only remember feeling extremely angry and… I don’t even know how to describe it, it was like I was obsessed by some dark powers. I couldn’t think or see straight.”

”Do you want to experience these feelings again? To experience taking somebody’s life?”

”Never…” she whispered, swallowing a burning lump in her throat. ”I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, Father…” Fresh tears came streaming down her cheeks all over again as she spoke, ”If I were to experience this once more, so help me I wouldn’t survive, it would destroy me…”

”Only God is able destroy you, as well as save your truly lost soul.”

The brunette cried harder. ”I despise myself for every wrongdoing, for every suffering I caused in my life. I want to do better, I really do, but how, Father? How do I come out of this pit of darkness I’ve put myself into without causing more harm?…”

The priest sighed softly and by the shadowy movements the brunette could make out that he lowered his head a bit.

”Turn yourself in to authorities, daughter, this is my advice to you. Keep praying for strength and remember that there is no suffering or trial that comes upon a believer that someone else hasn’t gone through before us. Go in peace and sin no more, child. God blesses your heart.”

After the priest stood up and exited the confessional, Bette pressed her forehead against the screen and wept.