“Is that all you were thinking of?”

Bette looked at Tina. This morning Tina had opened up to her about her pregnancy and her accident. She only told Tina about her addiction and Kelly. But she never mentioned anything about Kit, her father and her being bi-racial. Somehow she had the feeling that she should tell Tina about her heritage. Especially because they would go to the Juke Joint and might meet Candace. Candace might bring something up about Kit and if she had to explain Tina about Kit then, she had a lot of explaining to do.

“You’re right, that wasn’t all I was thinking about. I was thinking about home, about my sister, Kit. I haven’t seen her in years and somehow I’m yearning for her. The last few days I constantly think about her.”

“Can I help you to find her?”

“Oh finding her won’t be so hard. I just need to know where she’ll perform and go there.”

“What do you mean by perform?”

“My sister’s a singer. Doesn’t the name Kit ring a bell? My sister is the singer Kit Porter.”

“Kit Porter, the jazz-singer, Kit Porter? But wait a minute, Kit Porter is black and you’re not………” Tina was flabbergested and troubled. What didn’t Bette tell her?
“I don’t get it. Is there something I need to know?”

“How strange it may seem but Kit and I are sisters. We have the same father, Melvin Porter My mother was a Caucasian woman and my father an Afro-American man. That explains my skin complexion. Kit’s mother was also Afro-American woman with some Native-American roots. So that’s why she is darker. I’m bi-racial but a lot of people think I’m white. I found out that going through life acting being white is less complicated than go through life being black.”

“Bette, did you hear what you just said. It sounds to me like you’re having an issue with your blackness.”

“I’m not but not talking about it saves me a lot of problems!”

Tina looked at Bette speechless. She couldn’t believe what she just heard. Did Bette truly said that going through life by acting being white was easier than going through life as being black?
Bette looked at Tina

“What…..?? What’s wrong?”

“I’m still digesting what you just said. Why would you say that? What about phrases like: “Black is beautiful” and such?”

“Because Tina, it is true. Going through life pretending you’re white, is much easier than saying you’re black or bi-racial. Don’t forget, I spend some time living on the streets. I’ve seen some shit you can’t imagine. Thinking about it, going back in time makes me angry. Makes me………….”

Tina saw that Bette started to breath faster and the look in her eyes changed. Her face changed and she saw pain, raw pain.

“You wouldn’t understand the humiliation black people have to go through. You have the “protection of the complexion” easy living for you. Please Tee, don’t make me go there. Don’t ask!”

The way Bette talked and the whole changing of her demeanor scared Tina off.

“Promise Tina, never, ever aks me about that part of my past!”

Tina looked at Bette. All of a sudden she felt sorry for her girlfriend. Bette looked at her with a penetrating glance, waiting for her to answer the question.

“I’ll promise, Tina said with a soft voice.” In her mind she thought to herself: for now.