Chapter Thirteen

I stand in the kitchen, listening to Bette as she changes in the bathroom. About a thousand different scenarios are running through my head, and they all end in Bette breaking up with me. I dont know what I did, I dont know what to do, I dont know anything anymore. I lean against the kitchen counter, pulling my robe tighter around me. Watching the softness in her eyes fade felt like Bette turning onto her side after weve made love. But I guess that, thats the problem. That word that keeps popping up in my head everytime she even looks at me. Im in love with Bette but Im so terrified of scaring her off that I cant tell her, I cant ever tell her. And because of that Bette is never going to know just how much she means to me. And god she means so much. I have never, ever felt like this for anybody. Suddenly Bette being a woman doesnt seem like such a big hurdle, maybe because now I have an even bigger hurdle to get over. I dont know how Im supposed to act around Bette, I dont know what to do to hide my feelings from her.
She slips into the room smiling faintly, her body a perfect silhouette in the dim lights of the kitchen. I couldnt find anything to wear She explains. When I look at her, dressed in her oversized black shirt that hints at the suggestion of black underwear, I feel my stomach fill with butterflies. I smile back at her more than aware of the blush that has rose to my cheeks.
Coffee? I ask, trying to keep my voice cheerful as I turn away from her, my wide smile turning into a grimace.
Thatd be great baby She spoons me from behind, her head resting on my shoulder, her warm face pressed against my neck. The tightness of her arms makes my heart thud to life. I close my eyes. I cant help it, I cant hide it anymore. Im going to tell her exactly how I feel because keeping it to myself is killing me. Im in love with Bette Porter and there is nothing any of us can do about it. T? She asks, pulling away from me.
Yeah babe? I ask, a little unnerved by the concentrated look in her eyes. She exhales deeply.
I love you Her words dont even have to register in my mind before my jaw is almost touching the ground. I cant breath, can barely think. Shes standing infront of me her pose confident her trembling hands betraying the way she really feels.
Suddenly my cosy kitchen, that used to be filled with such comforting sounds, is silent, like the refrigerator decided that today would be the day that it would run soundlessly, like it decided that it should add to the pressure that I can feel myself sinking into. I steady myself against the counter top, looking into those chocolate brown eyes that seem so strangely open and gentle. I gulp down the knot in the back of my throat.
I love you too Bette She stands infront of me nodding her head biting her bottom lip to surpress the smile on her face.
Wow She sighs, looking up at the ceiling her hand placed firmly against her chest.
You were nervous I tease, wrapping my arms around her. I catch sight of my reflection and the smile on my face has never been this goofy before. She looks down at me, grinning. I feel her arms tighten around my waist and its like heaven, I wont tell Bette but being held by these arms forever wouldnt be such a bad thing.
Ok, I admit it, I was petrified She presses a kiss to my nose. But you know you looked pretty nervous too
Maybe because Ive been waiting for you to say it for so long
Yeah? She asks her voice a hushed whisper.
Yeah
Well I meant it. And you need to know T that Im not just saying this because of her, in a stupid way I guess she made me realise how much I dont want to lose you
Oh Bette I whisper my voice love soaked. I feel exactly the same I bring my lips to hers, kissing away any lingering doubts. I hold her to me almost protectively. Maybe we should send Jean some flowers Bette chuckles, her laughter humming against my body.
Shell always have a special place in my heart She says her voice empty as she rolls her eyes.
She better not have I mock warn. I wouldnt want to have to be jealous I tell her, sliding my hands up her shirt to rest against her hips.
We cant have that She places a lingering kiss against my lips, side stepping us towards the bedroom. Let me show you just how much you dont need to be jealous