BETTES SIDE

Seven days. One hundred sixty eight hours. Ten thousand eighty minutes. Six hundred and four thousand eight hundred seconds. Alone. Without Tina. Without hearing her voice and feeling her embrace. Seven days. Alone.

Bette had filled those seven days pouring herself into her work and isolating herself from the rest of the world. She was doing everything in her power to keep busy so that she wouldnt have a chance to stop and think because she was afraid that if she did, she would lose it completely. Bette knew Tina needed time, but those seven days were the hardest seven days of her life.

Exactly one week from the opening of Provocations, Bette was sitting in her office at the CAC staring at her cell phone willing it to ring. It had been one week since Tina had left the message on her cell and Bette was nearing a breaking point. She had refused to see anyone except for Kit who managed to corner her at the house one night. That conversation was anything but sisterly:

Bette, what were you thinking?

I dont know Kit. I dont know what happened and I dont know why. Ive been asking myself these questions for days now and I havent managed to come up with any answers. Bette was growing frustrated with her sister and even more frustrated with herself.

Have you tried calling Tina?

No. She said she needed time so thats what Im giving her.

Giving her or giving you?

Bette glared at her sister and crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive manner.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, maybe you are respecting Tinas wishes, but maybe you need a little time as well. Look Bette, Im not judging you. I know Im not in the position to do that, but think about it. With all thats happened lately maybe what you needed was a little break from everything.

You think I cheated on Tina to feel better about my life? Jesus Kit, what kind of person do you think I am?

Bette was yelling at this point and Kit knew she was walking on thin ice but she had to do the right thing. Bette needed to rationalize what happened and Kit knew she would not be able to do that alone.

Then why Bette? What was so tempting that you gave up everything you had for it?

You should know.

Kit looked at Bette in disbelief. Bette felt slightly guilty for bringing Kits drug and alcohol problems into this fight but at this point she just didnt care.

Okay Im going to pretend you didnt say that because I know you are angry right now, but hear me out. What happened, whatever it was, is over. Now you have a choice. You can either deal with it and move on or you can let it destroy your life. What is it going to be?

Bette sighed as she uncrossed her arms and sat down on the couch. She didnt have any answers for Kit or for herself. All she could think about was Tina. She looked up at Kit and softly said, I dont know if thats my decision to make anymore. Kit sat down next to Bette and wrapped her arms around her letting Bette sink in to her embrace.

BZZZZZ BZZZZZ BZZZZZ. The sound of her cell phone pulled Bette back to reality and she glanced at the caller ID to see if it was Tina. Alices number showed up again and taking a chance she picked up the phone. In a steady but quiet voice she answered, Hello?

TINAS SIDE

One week had gone by since Tina left that message on Bettes phone and she wasnt sure she was any better than she was that night. All week Tina had been going over different scenarios in her mind about what her conversation with Bette was going to be like. All of them ended in Tina yelling at Bette and walking away. She didnt want to do that, but if thats what it came down to at least she was prepared.

Tina had also spent the week trying to figure out what caused Bette to stray in the first place. She had gotten as far as understanding that they were having some problems in their marriage, but that was about it. At the first sign of distress Bette did what she always did when things werent going her way. She found a way out. Tina was not going to let her off the hook so easily, but she needed to hear it from Bette. If Bette was willing to erase seven years from her memory then Tina would do the same. Tina wanted nothing more than to go back in time and try and fix the problems before they began, but that was not an option. She had to face reality and deal with her current situation.

Alice had been so good to Tina this past week. She stayed at home as often as possible and really made Tina feel secure and safe, something she thought she could only feel from Bette. Tina knew she could stay with Alice as long as needed, but from the way things were developing with Dana, Tina knew she should get out of her way soon.

It was almost noon and Alice would be at work until three. Tina decided to call Bette without Alice there because it might be harder with her present and Tina didnt know what kind of reaction she would have to Bette. She reached for the phone and dialed Bettes cell.

Hello?

Bette? Its Tina.

Hi ba- Hi.

Tina shifted in her seat bringing her knees up to her chin as she sat on the couch wrapped in a blanket. Just hearing Bettes voice was sending all sorts of emotions running through her body.

So how are you doing?

Dont do that Bette. Dont go there.

Tina, please listen to me. Tina I am so sorry for what happened. I dont know why I did what I did but I want you to know that its over. I love YOU Tina. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I let things get to me and it pushed me away from you. I know I should have been there for you more, but part of me just didnt know how to deal. With all that was going on I felt so lost and I know you did too. I am so sorry baby.

Tina sat there listening to Bette go on about why she was sorry and as she was listening to her try and justify the infidelity Tina was getting more and more angry.

Bette stop. I dont want to hear why you did it and I dont want an apology. I just want to know why you felt like you couldnt come to me before all this.

Tina waited for an answer and after a few seconds of silence she thought Bette might have hung up.

Bette?

Im here. Sigh. Tina I dont know why. I dont know when I started feeling distant from you and I dont know why I just didnt go to you first.

You didnt come to me because you thought you could handle everything on your own. Its your worst quality Bette and you know it. Do you know what the saddest thing is, despite all of your faults I still loved you. You were the one person I never had to be fake around. I could let my guard down with you and I thought the feeling was mutual. I guess I was wrong.

Tina knew she was being sarcastic and slightly rude but she knew it was the only way to stand up to Bette. She couldnt let Bette think that she had complete control over her.

Tina, I was never guarded with you.

Is that right. Then how come I had no idea that you needed to look elsewhere for something I thought was just between us? When things get rough you put up your walls and never let anyone in. I had no idea that you were feeling so distant and frankly, Ill bet you didnt know I was either. Dont you get it Bette? ***** is one thing, and emotions are another. I know weve lacked the first, but I never thought we would lose the second.

Tina, I dont know what to do to make this right, but can we work on it? Please?

I dont know Bette. I just dont know. You violated everything that was sacred in our marriage and I dont know if we can move on from here.

Tina was near tears but she gathered every ounce of strength in her body to hold them back and continued.

Im not saying that I never want to work this out Bette, but I need you to be sure that this is what you want too. I am going to come by one day when you are at work and pick up some stuff. I think the best thing for us right now is a little space. Im going to look for a place of my own and well see where it goes from there.

When will I see you again Tina? I miss you so much. I need to know if I can call you or visit you.

I dont know Bette. When the time is right. Look Bette I have to go okay?

Okay, but Tina, can I ask you one question?

What?

Do you still love me?

Tina paused before answering. She didnt need to think about the answer because it was something she would always be sure of, but she didnt know if she wanted Bette the satisfaction of the answer.

Always.

With that Tina hung up the phone and let the tears she was holding in fall. She knew that she loved Bette and wanted to work things out, and she was at least a little more sure that Bette felt the same way. As she sat there crying the only peace she felt at the moment was the realization that she was at a crossroad in her life. She could either rebuild a life with Bette or she could leave it behind forever. The only thing was, she didnt know which way she wanted to go.