Bette drove home feeling somewhat better about her current situation. She knew that Tina hated her right now and she knew she had an eternity before Tina would ever trust her and love her again but Bette was determined to make it happen. She was not going to give up everything she had built over the past seven years over one mistake. Bette hoped that Tina would eventually see that they belong together and she hoped that day would come soon. Bette truly believed that they could work things out and she knew that even though she had violated everything sacred in her marriage that deep down Tina loved her. It was this hope, this last possibility that kept Bette calm. She had done a terrible thing and she knew she was going to have to grovel for a long time.

As Bette turned down her street she thought about Candace and all they had been through in such a short amount of time. She smiled to herself as she remembered when Candace threw her down on the bed at the hotel and told her that she couldnt control everything. It was the first time someone had turned the tables on Bette like that and she hated to admit it but she liked it. Not all the time, but in that moment it was exactly what she needed. Bette thought about how Candace had followed her into her office the morning of the Provocations opening and how much she wanted her right then. She couldnt recall for the life of her why she had once had such a burning desire for Candace. Those emotions were fading quickly and Bette knew she had gotten her out of her system for good.

When Bette pulled into her driveway she felt a sense of relief. All she wanted to do was go inside, take a shower and go to bed. It was early, but Bette felt like she had had one of the most exhausting days of her life. She opened the door and set her bag down on the chair near the door. She was walking towards the kitchen to get a glass of water when she heard a noise from the bedroom. Startled, she walked down the hallway and pushed the door slightly open.

Tina was standing in the room gathering some of her things in a suitcase. She didnt hear Bette come in since she was hurriedly trying to gather as much as she could before Bette came home. Bette just stood in the doorway staring at Tina not knowing what to do. She backed away and felt the panic run through her system. Bette decided she shouldnt sneak up on Tina so she quietly moved back to the front door and opened it quietly. She shut it loudly and pretended she was just walking in the house. She didnt know if Tina heard the door, but sure enough Tina appeared from the room a few seconds later.

I just came to pick up some stuff.

Okay, Tina…

Bette was cut off as Tina simply turned around and walked back to the bedroom not waiting to hear what Bette had to say. She had never seen Tina this angry before and Bette didnt know how volatile she was at this point. She decided to try and explain things to Tina so she followed her into the bedroom.

Tina, can we talk.

No.

Please. Tina please, can we just talk.

***** you Bette. Im not ready to talk to you.

Tina was moving back and forth between the closet and the bed dumping clothes into her suitcase, not looking at Bette once. Bette felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Tina had never been this harsh with her before, except for that night, and Bette didnt know how to handle the situation. All of the control she had felt earlier with Candace was now gone and replaced by the same lack of control she had felt the last time she saw Tina.

Tina Im sorry. Im so sorry. I love you.

At this last remark Tina stopped moving. She was facing the closet and even though Bette couldnt see her face she knew Tina was crying. She could see it in her body and Bette wanted nothing more than to run to her and hold her in her arms. Bette saw Tina stiffen up and when she turned around her face was ice cold.

Have you seen her since?

Bette hesitated not knowing if she should lie to Tina or not. Admitting she had would only prove to Tina that she didnt care about the relationship, but if she lied and got caught later it would be so much worse. The hesitation was all Tina needed to know that the answer was yes and she stood there staring at Bette like she was going to attack her at any second.

When?

Bette took a deep breath and swallowed hard. She knew if she was going to have any kind of chance with Tina all out honesty was the only way to go.

Today.

Tina looked like she might collapse and Bette had no idea what she should do next.

Where?

The gallery. She was putting finishing touches on some stuff.

Did you ***** her?

This last question scared the ***** out of Bette. She had never heard Tinas voice so cold and Bette knew that she might lose her completely after she knew the answer. Bette looked down and thought about what she had compromised to be with Candace. When she finally spoke her voice was quiet and shaky and she could feel her hands trembling with fear.

Yes.

Silence. Complete silence. Bette was expecting Tina to yell and scream at her and when she didnt this confused Bette and she finally looked up. What she saw sent a feeling of pain start somewhere in her toes and move through her system with lightning speed only to end up at her heart, causing it to break in half. Tina was slumped against the door of the closet crying. She was crying so hard she was shaking uncontrollably and Bette could do nothing to help her.

Im sorry Tina.

Tina didnt answer as she sat there crying and Bette didnt even know if she heard her. Tina was trying to regain control of her breathing and Bette could tell Tina was trying to regain as much composure as possible. From where she sat on the floor Tina looked at Bette with disgust in her eyes and as she spoke her voice was shaky as a result of her crying so hard.

Do you love her?

Bette felt her heart break into a million pieces and while she didnt know if she was completely over Candace she knew for certain that it was never love.

No Tina. It was never love.

Then what was it?

Exasperated, Bette sighed in frustration and leaned against the doorframe.

It was just ***** Tina. Thats all. Just *****.

Tina started crying again at this statement and Bette felt Tina slipping further and further away from her.

Why Bette? Why did you do it?

I dont know.

Tina looked up when Bette said this and Bette felt that fear return to her system. The look in Tinas eyes was pure anger and Bette knew she had just elevated the danger of the situation. Tina stood up, composure regained completely, and now she was out for blood. She began yelling at Bette and Bette stood frozen not knowing how to answer her questions.

You dont know?! You jeopardized everything you had and you dont know why you did it? So tell me Bette, how was it? Was she good? She must have been if you were willing to risk everything you had to be with her. Give me a break Bette. Give me something. Make up an excuse, tell me it was all my fault, something. But dont say you dont know because that is just BULLSHIT!!!

Bette looked down because she knew Tina was one hundred percent correct. But how do you tell the person you love the reason you were unfaithful was because the person was the total opposite of who you are. Bette finally looked up at Tina and responded quietly.

I really dont know Tina. There were a lot of things. There wasnt just one thing that happened that made me do it.

Tina stood there with her hands crossed over her chest just looking at Bette. She was waiting for her to continue and when Bette hesitated at first she raised an eyebrow at Bette as if to say, go on, Im waiting. Bette sighed as she continued knowing that she may be ruining everything she had with Tina by being honest with her.

It was everything Tina. I didnt know who I was anymore. First we lost the baby, then Provocations was taking up all of my time and then you started volunteering with Oscar and somewhere in between all that I just got lost. Im not saying that what I did was right, and I am truly sorry for what I did, but at that moment it was what I needed. We had been having our own problems and we werent exactly close like we used to be, and I dont know. Somewhere along the line I forgot what my priorities were. I forgot how to be what you needed and I forgot how happy we were. It just fell apart Tina, and baby, there isnt a thing on earth I wouldnt do to put it back together.

Tina stood there thinking about what Bette said. Bette couldnt tell how she was going to react and the fact that she stood before Tina and could hardly recognize her shook Bette to her core. This was the woman who she had loved for so many years and now Bette didnt know if she would ever be a part of her life again. For the first time Bette had the realization that Tina might not forgive her. She had been so sure that their love was strong and it would overcome this fiasco that she never allowed herself the thought that Tina might leave her for good. She thought that Tina would eventually come back to her after she had time to deal with what happened. Bette was becoming nauseated at the thought of Tina walking out of her life completely. She couldnt fathom a life without Tina and she was now mentally beating herself for even kissing Candace in the first place.

So what your saying is that you did it because you couldnt figure out who you were? Im sorry Bette but ***** someone else just doesnt seem like a plausible solution to that problem. Tinas face softened a little and Bette took it as a good sign. Why didnt you say anything before Bette?

You were so broken after we lost the baby and then when you started working with Oscar we hardly saw each other. I felt like if I went to you with my problems that it would just be another burden on you and I couldnt do that to you.

But you could sleep with Candace? I dont get it Bette. I dont even know who you are anymore.

Tina Im the same person who fell in love with you seven years ago. Im the same person.

I used to think so Bette. But not anymore. The Bette I knew would never do this to me.

Tina Im sorry. I dont know how I let it get this out of control. Can you ever forgive me? I love you Tina, and I always will. Do you still love me?

Tina looked away before answering Bette. Bette could tell that Tina was carefully deciding what to say and Bettes worst fear was that she was trying to figure out how to say no.

Honestly Bette, I really dont know. I know that we have a lot to work on and a lot to talk about but right now is not the time. Bette I made a promise that I would always love you and I am not about to start breaking promises, but right now I hate you just as much as I love you. I dont know if this is something we can work around and I dont know if its something I want to work around, but I know that Ill think about it.

Tina please, I need you in my life baby. I need you.

You should have thought about that before Bette. You made the decisions now deal with the consequences.

With that Tina pulled a few more shirts out of the closet, threw them in the suitcase, and headed towards the door. Bette moved out of her way and as she watched Tina walk out of their house she wondered if Tina was walking out of her life as well.