CHAPTER TWO

Alice hasnt opened her mouth for hours, ok minutes but thats what it feels like when I have to sit here staring at her as she has some kind of mental breakdown. And now Im starting to worry because I was so sure when I broke up with Tonya that I should be with Alice. I was so sure because Id thought Alice felt that too. But then she started ignoring my calls, pretending her connection was breaking up every time I tried to mention that kiss, and now judging by the look on her face regretting that she ever came by my house that night. But I should have guessed that this is what would happen. Every woman Ive ever been attracted to has always been unavailable to me, I guess it makes sense that the day I allowed myself to believe I might have a chance with someone shed change her mind completely. So youre really just going to sit there then? I huff folding my arms.
I just… She swallows hard shaking her head in disbelief. …I just didnt expect that. I thought you were still together
Well that happens when you ignore somebody
I wasnt ignoring you Dane…ok I was ignoring you but only because I thought that you were still with Tonya. I was embarrassed ok! Al admits her cheeks turning red.
Why? I just dont understand it, Ive known Alice for years and I have never once seen her embarrassed.
Because its you. You know? I mean, youre Dana
I know that
Youre my friend Dana and then suddenly I feel like I dont want you to just be that. But then Im not sure if you feel the same way. I dont want to hear you tell me that you dont want me She whispers. Be brave Dana, be brave, I tell myself again and again like its a mantra. I place my hand ontop of hers.
I do want you She holds my hand back and I feel a flood of relief. I guess when I think about it now I always felt something for Alice. I mean, you cant be so close to someone and not think about it even once. Think about what could happen if you crossed that line just a little. But Ive always forced myself not to let those kind of thoughts persist. Always pretended that the idea of sleeping with Alice was repulsive. But it really was always there.
Sometimes Id be in bed alone, at night, and my mind would start to wander. Id think of somebody, kissing somebody, touching somebody, and that somebody would turn out to be Alice. Id shake my head and blush, sinking underneath my covers and promising myself that it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I guess the truth was that I was trying to play tricks on my mind.
How did Tonya take it? She finally asks.
I wince Not so good. She started shouting and throwing things
Im sorry Dane
Dont be. I think she was more upset that she wouldnt get to bring her friends round. She kept asking me if I could just wait until after Friday. To be honest she was getting a little irritating. After you left that night she just wouldnt leave me alone. I had to sleep in the bathroom She laughs, and I feel giddy at the sound of it. Alices laugh always makes me feel like everything is ok.
I should go its getting late
Ill walk you out! I blurt out a little too excitedly. She smiles as we slide out from the table.
Id like that
We walk out into the street, and its almost pitch black but for the lamp posts guiding our way. Alice stands infront of me kicking the ground with her feet nervously, shivering from the cold air. So? I smile, digging my hands in my trouser pockets, smiling.
So? She repeats, her eyebrows raised as she leans from one side to the other.
So Ive been thinking. You know maybe we could eat somewhere or drink somewhere? Or something… I begin to babble and probably would have continued for far too long if it werent for Alices hand on my shoulder.
Id love to do something with you I grin nodding my head.
Good, great! Erm but you should call me because your the busy person and… Alice takes a step closer to me. Her smile is so gentle, my eyes are glued to it.
Dana. Its ok. I know your nervous She slips her arms around my waist. Im nervous too I let out a strangled breath. Shes so close to me and her eyes are telling me so many things. But I think we can get past that
I think we can too She hugs me and my face rests against her neck. I move an inch and my lips brush against delicate skin. I close my eyes my lips puckering into a kiss before I allow myself to think about it. I feel Alices body sigh beneath me. She holds me tighter.
Well go to a movie or something…well think of something She moves away from me smiling, clutching my hands.
Yeah
So Ill call you She says.
Ok We stare at each other smiling and holding hands. She leans forward, her cold hands holding my face, her lips against mine. Shes gone before I really have time to think too much about it, but even as shes stood staring at me curiously, I can still feel the soft brush of that mouth.
Bye She whispers, letting my hand go, finger by finger.
Bye I repeat taking a step back. I watch her walk away from me, wait for her to look back as she reaches the end of the street. She does, and my heart catches in my chest