At Alices


Tina stared at the board where shed drawn the link from Bettes name and started to write Candaces. A combination of anger and pain filled her heart and she wanted to scream. Vivid images flashed through her mind of how the night played out and everything seemed more real than ever before. She finished writing Candaces name, put the marker down, and stepped back allowing the visual confirmation to digest within her. She stared at Candaces name wondering what the links to her were. She needed to know more about her to satisfy her pained curiosity, but she had to wait until Alice got back to use the computer, not wanting to violate Alices privacy. Hunger began to take its hold and she went to the kitchen to see what Alice had to eat. She found cheese and some eggs. She looked for some bread and found a bagel instead. She made herself an egg and cheese sandwich and a cup of tea. She sat in the living room, ate her food, and fought the mental war raging within.

She was angry with herself for not seeing any indication that Bette was cheating. She felt she should have known Bette well enough to pick up the signs. She berated herself for not being strong enough at times and she was hurt because for their entire relationship, she never even thought about being with another person. No one else mattered to her and now everything shed lived for and everything shed given up for the sake of their relationship was gone in a moment of weakness. As much as she wanted to, she couldnt completely hate Candace because shed only acted on what she was allowed to. It was Bette who hadnt been the bigger person and said no. Tinas pain increased and she felt sick. She wondered if Bette really wanted to start a family again or if it was a ploy to keep her distracted while she continued her affair? She thought of Bettes near breakdown the night of the show. Was that too a ploy or was that guilt? Tina rushed to the bathroom to throw up. She buried her head in the toilet releasing not only the food, but purging herself of all the anger, hurt, and pain she felt inside. She was sweating and her head and stomach ached from the heaving. As she rested her head against the wall, a startling thought careened through her mind.

She thought I was Candace! Tina sat up immediately. When I came back from the trip and went to the office, she thought I was Candace when I put my arms around her. She strained to stand and leaned against the sink. She said, Im sorry, I cant, then gave me that excuse about being stressed or whatever. *****! I should have known! Why didnt that make sense to me? How could I be so ***** stupid? Tina yelled at herself. And what couldnt she do? Go on? Damn her! She said in a disgusted tone.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks were flushed, and her hair was a mess. She hated what she saw and turned the faucet on to wash her face. She refused to look at herself again. Feeling like a failure and a fool, she went back into the bedroom and threw herself on the bed. The tears welled up in her eyes, but she wouldnt let them fall. She pushed her palms into her eyes forcing the tears to recede as she drew deeps breaths to remain calm. As much as she didnt want to, she forced her mind to think of other signs that she failed to see before and another one hit her. She recalled when she approached Candace about doing some work for the center and how startled she was when confronted. Tina pounded the bed and began to scream a blood-curdling scream full of rage and pain. Everything in her body ached. She felt an anxiety attack coming on and she didnt have any medication to control it. She tried her breathing techniques and forced herself to lay still and focus on something in the room. Nothing was working. The intensity captured her and she felt herself falling into an abyss of darkness and emotional distress. She tried to grab for the phone, which was out of her reach. Paralysis gripped and overwhelmed every movement she tried to make. All she could do was try to breathe.


At Bettes


Bette looked out the window watching Candace walk toward her car. She prayed that would be the last time she saw her. She couldnt deal with the continued blows Candace was dealing her. Feeling confident that Candace was gone, she turned from the window to see Kitt standing in the kitchen. She jumped and stepped back clutching her heart.

You scared the ***** out of me Kitt! Bette said walking toward the kitchen. What are you doing here so early? Did we have plans or something?

No. I was in the neighborhood and thought Id stop by. I also needed to see Tina. Kitt replied. Is something wrong? Youre acting kinda strange.

Hearing Tinas name stunned Bette into reality. She was tying to adjust her appearance and not look guilty. She shook her head not wanting to sound tense or nervous as she pulled herself together.

Nah, Im okay. I thought I heard something odd outside, so I was looking to see what it could be. Its nothing. Bette walked past Kitt and opened the fridge releasing the suffocating feeling she had. Get you anything? She asked, still inside the fridge.

Uhm, yeah. A little juice would be great. I had some earlier but Im still a little thirsty. Kitt rambled.

She was still excited about her night with Ivan and although she wanted to dish to someone, Bette didnt seem like a good candidate at the moment. She knew something was amiss with her sister, but she didnt pry. Shed learned her lesson in the past from doing that. She was too high on her emotional bliss to have it brought down by anything negative.

Hey, wheres Tina? I needed to ask her something.

*****! Bette mumbled under her breath. Shes out right now. Anything I can help you with? Bette continued trying to ease her ever-growing tension.

Ah, no! Its nothing serious. Just a question I had. It can wait.

Okay. Bette sighed feeling temporary relief.

Hey? What are you doing home anyway? Shouldnt you be at the gallery or wooing some new art person? Kitt inquired with keen curiosity.

It was a known rarity for Bette to take a day off and it hit Kitt with sudden interest; especially with Tina not being home.

Are you sick or something?

Bette contemplated her reply.

Uh, yeah. I didnt sleep well last night and I had a killer headache this morning, so I decided to rest. Its been hectic over the past few weeks ya know? Bette quickly replied.

Yeah, you have had it pretty rough there kiddo. Seeing as youre not feeling well, Ill go, but is there anything I can get you before I leave?

No. Im okay. I took some aspirin and drank some tea. Now Im going to lay down for a little while.

Alright. Feel better okay? Kitt said as she hugged Bette and left the house.

Bette let out a huge sigh of relief, that was too damn close.

Bette went into the bedroom and sat on the unmade bed. Thoughts of Tina filled her mind as she pulled the pillow to her chest, holding it tight. She missed and needed her right now. The torment was too great and she was playing with fire by continuing to give in to Candace and not standing her ground. The lies were getting bigger and she couldnt afford to get trapped in any of them. Bette hoped Kitt wouldnt call Tinas cell looking for her because she wasnt sure if Tina would maintain her silence on what happened. Shed had two close calls already and risking a third would be suicide. Her mind wandered back to Tina and she tried to imagine what she was doing. She had no idea where she was staying and hoped she was safe wherever she was. Guilt was wreaking havoc on Bettes mind as she tried to concentrate on Tina. She thought of the lies she told in order to see Candace and how she risked permanency for something casual and temporary. She thought of the times where Tina would have stopped anything she was doing to be there for her, to love her, to support her.

She didnt deserve this. Bette whined. She doesnt deserve this. But how do I stop it? How do I get Candace out of my system? She continued.

Bette agonized over what she was feeling. She felt compelled to reach out for Tina. She wanted to know where she was and if she was okay. Calling around looking for her would only arouse suspicion, and she couldnt risk the questions. She decided to try calling her cell again hoping they could talk. She reached across the bed for the phone and dialed Tinas cell. It rang!

Good its on, Bette felt a little relief.

Ring two, no answer. Ring three, no answer.

Alices place

The sound of the phone propelled Tina back into reality. She still felt the aftermath of the attack consuming her body as she strained to reach the phone. Her breath was still shallow and gasping, and her body still wretched with pain, but she fought it all to reach her cell phone. She hoped it was Alice checking in on her.

Forth ring. Fifth ring. One more and it would go to voice mail. She grabbed just as it was about to end and pressed the button.

Hello? She inquired in a strained and desperate tone. Hello? She repeated.

Bette perked up immediately.

Tina? Tina? Are you okay? She inquired, trying not to panic. Tina. Talk to me.

Tina was still gasping for air while trying to gain the strength to sit up and tune into the voice on the phone.

Tina, its Bette. Are you okay, whats wrong? Fearing the worst, Bette rushed around to put her shoes on and grab her purse. She needed to get to her. Tina, tell me where you are. Ill come and get you.

Bette? Alice, not Bette. I want to talk to Alice. She slurred.

The negation hit Bette hard, but she knew she couldnt leave Tina in her condition. She needed to get through to her so she could help.

Tina, you sound awful and I think you need some help. Tell me where you are so I can get you. Please, Tina. Please.

Tina was still not fully coherent, but managed to sit up on her elbows. She felt sick and dizzy, and was barely holding the phone to her ear. Whom she was speaking to on the phone had still not fully registered and she tried to talk again.
Alice? I need to talk to Alice, she said again.

Bette summed that Tina was either at Alices or waiting for Alice to call. She didnt care which it was; she was going to get Tina.

Tina. Im on my way. Baby, hold on. Im on my way.

Bette rushed out the door.