CHAPTER FOUR

The only woman Tina had ever been with was Bette. She’d never even kissed another woman before today. She couldn’t help now but notice the subtle differences between Bette and Shane. Tina had been so sure that only Bette could ever arouse her like this. She’d been so wrong.

Tina worried briefly that Shane would try to play the gentleman again and refuse to continue what they’d started, but she’d been wrong on that score too. Shane had met her lips this time with an insistence that Tina found incredibly exciting.

She wondered if part of the intoxication she was feeling had to do with a sense of petty revenge, but that was a fleeting thought she decided to immediately discard. She wanted to be fully present for this experience with Shane. They both deserved that.

At that moment, Shane broke their kiss just long enough to lift Tina’s shirt over her head. She began nuzzling Tina’s neck as she ran her nails gently down her back. Then Shane lowered her face to Tina’s soft, sensual *****. Although Shane had always tried not to stare at Tina’s *****, she never thought she’d been completely successful at that. She couldn’t quite believe where her mouth was now.

Shane moaned as she began licking and sucking the already erect nipples. Tina’s arms encircled Shane and held her close, her hands gripping her hair, her cheek pressed to the top of Shane’s head. She wasn’t afraid to ask for what she needed now. “More baby,” she whispered urgently.

Shane then lowered Tina down to the couch, removing her own shirt in one fluid motion. As she gazed down at Tina, Shane smiled and wondered if this woman had any idea just how beautiful she was.

Actually Tina hadn’t felt beautiful in a long time. It had been months since Bette had made her feel really attractive. It was an amazingly stimulating feeling to have her body being adored in this way now. And to look in Shane’s eyes and see such passion and at the same time such tenderness there — it left her breathless.

Tina hungrily brought Shane’s mouth to hers again and they kissed passionately as Shane slid her thigh between Tina’s legs. Tina readily assisted as they both immediately created a delicious friction.

As Shane held Tina afterwards, they both felt like they had shared a beautiful gift with each other.

Whether anyone else would see it that way, however….

After several minutes, Shane kissed Tina’s forehead and softly said, “I hate to break the mood, but if Alice walks in right now we’re gonna have a lot of explaining to do.” Tina giggled and said, “Now that would be awkward.”

They both sat up and starting getting dressed. “I’ll be right back,” Tina said as she headed off to the bathroom. But after a few steps, she turned around and came back to the couch. She bent down and kissed Shane sweetly. “You are so dear to me, do you know that?”

Shane sighed deeply. Then she took Tina’s hands, brought them slowly up to her face and gently kissed them. “You’re pretty special to me too,” she said, as she fixed Tina with a look that said a whole lot more than those few words had conveyed.

While Tina was gone, Shane lit up a cigarette.

“When did you start smoking again?” Tina asked as she sat down beside her.

“Recently,” Shane said quietly.

“Shane, do you want to talk about what happened with Cherie?”

“I don’t think there’s much to talk about. I came, I saw, she conquered. Some stud I turned out to be huh?”

“You never were a stud Shane. We both know that. I never understood why you let people think you were.”

“What was I then Tina? Because I’m sure to the women I slept with and never spoke to again, that’s what I looked like,” Shane said with a hint of regret.

“That was your disguise Shane. You wore it like a protective shield. You were just trying to take care of yourself. We all do it, one way or another. That was your way. Something I’m sure you learned very young.”

“Well if that’s true, then what happened with Cherie? How did she sneak under my radar? What the ***** happened to all my ‘protection’ when I needed it most?”, Shane said bitterly.

“Maybe you just weren’t up to playing this game anymore. Maybe Cherie offered you something just when your heart was ready to accept it.”

Shane looked at Tina doubtfully.

“***** Shane, maybe you just grew up, I don’t know,” Tina said, a bit flustered.

“Gee, for a minute there Tina I thought you had ALL the answers,” Shane said with a crooked grin.

“Well, I do have a lot of them,” Tina smiled back.

Shane leaned over and kissed Tina softly on the cheek. “Yes, you do babe.”

“Now…What about you?” Shane asked. “Are you ever planning to speak to Bette again?”

“I can’t even think about that now.” Tina said a little stiffly.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

“So really then, what’s the point?”, Shane continued.

“What do you mean?

“You know — Relationships.’ I mean, look at you and Bette. Happiest couple I’ve ever known, together for 7 years. Look what happens. What’s the point if even you guys…” Shane took a deep breath.

She continued in a softer voice. “Everything eventually falls apart. That’s what I see Tina. Nothing lasts. Nothing. So what I’m asking is, What’s the point of this grand search for love and happiness when the end result is always the same?”

“Oh, so all you want to know is, ‘What’s the meaning of life?’ Well I’m afraid that answer I don’t have. But I’ll tell you something Shane. I may not know if Bette and I will ever get back together. I hope we do. I still love her and I can’t really imagine a life without her. But right now…I just don’t know.” Tina paused a moment.

“But what I do know is that I will never regret the fact that we WERE together. Whatever pain I’m going through now and whatever’s ahead of me, it will always be worth it.” Her eyes were getting moist but her resolute expression didn’t change.

“My God, we had a beautiful love for seven incredible years. That time isn’t negated because it may have ended. Do you think I’m remotely the same person I was before Bette loved me?” Tina’s voice cracked but she went on.

“What we gave to each other doesn’t get taken away when its over. When you have something that real, the love is a part of you for the rest of your life.”

“But you and Bette had 7 years Tina. What did I get — a few months? Hardly worth the ***** I’m left with, is it?”

“Can I ask you something Shane?”

“Sure.”

“Were you and Cherie in love?”

“Yes. It may not have been for very long. But yes, we were in love.”

“Then it doesn’t matter for how long. That’s what I’m saying. The only thing that matters is that it was real.” Tina took Shane’s hands in hers.

“You do realize that love doesn’t find everybody. Being in love with somebody who’s in love with you — that does not happen to everyone. It happened to you Shane. You and Cherie loved each other. You may not have had a lot of time together, but hey, you better believe it counts!”

Tina ran her hand through Shane’s adorably unkempt hair. “And now that the wall you built up around your heart for all those years has been knocked down…”

“Yeah well, right about now I kinda wish I could get that wall built back up again.”

“Well, I do happen to know a pretty good carpenter,” Tina said sarcastically. When she saw the incredulous look on Shane’s face, she sheepishly muttered, “Sorry, bad joke.”

“Tina, you’re amazing,” Shane said, then quickly added, “and I mean that in a good way.”

“Thank you. I am, aren’t I?,” Tina replied with a crooked grin.

“But ya know, I’ve got nothing on you Shane.”

“Me?” Shane asked in surprise.

“Yes. I meant what I said before. You are one of the best people I’ve ever met, with one of the kindest, gentlest hearts. Do you think you could’ve been hurt like this if you were the unfeeling ‘love-’em-and-leave-’em’ stud you claim to be?”

“Hooray for me, I hurt.”

“The pain will end Shane. Of course, there is a catch — you have to get through it until it’s gone.”

“Yeah well, that’s a helluva catch, isn’t it?”

“I admit I’m not feeling too fond of that one myself right now,” Tina grinned.

“But listen, what ISN’T going away is the fact that you’ve finally opened yourself to love. Once you do that, you can’t take it back hon’. Your life’s about to change. And I won’t tell you there isn’t going to be more pain because that’s part of the package – you know that. But I can tell you that your future holds more joy than you can possibly imagine.”

Tina looked deeply into Shane’s eyes. “When it’s right Shane, you won’t believe the way you light up from the inside.”

As if on cue, at that moment the front door opened. Alice and Dana walked in, hand in hand. They were practically glowing.


THE END