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    When you get it, do you still want it? Chptr 1

    TINA

    Tina was in absolute shock. The idea that Bette would cheat on her, never entered her mind. Not even once in their seven year relationship.

    With the shock came an overwhelming sense of panic. Her body felt incredibly heavy, but her mind wouldn’t slow down. Thoughts were shooting in and around her brain and felt like they were crashing into the side of her scull.

    ‘Why!? Why!? What do I do now? How could she do that to us? Does she love her? Oh my God! Does she not love me anymore? Should I move out? I need to get a job. What did she feel when she was with her? Where will I live? Oh my God! Not in our bed! Does anyone else know? What did I do wrong? How could she do this? She was the one I wanted to grow old with. Does she not desire me anymore? God damn her!! ***** her! She wants to ***** Candace? Fine…***** her! Go ahead Bette, ***** her, and ***** you too! ***** you Bette!’

    Tina didn’t know it, but her eyes were like those of a caged animal. The shock quickly turned into an anger that started to envelope her body, starting at the top of her head and gaining strength as it headed to her toes. Tina grabbed onto the anger and felt a certain comfort in it. She thought that as long as she stayed under that blanket, she wouldn’t feel the physical pain that was bound to hit because of the unspeakable betrayal by Bette. She didn’t realize that the anger was pain as well, it was just giving her body a temporary reprieve.

    BETTE

    Bette felt terrible. She loved Tina so much and had never wanted to cause her pain. She knew that was impossible now, and knew that there would be more pain in both their futures. Because, for as much as Bette loved Tina, there was no doubt in her mind that she had feelings for Candace that she just couldn’t let go of. She didn’t know the extent of those feelings, but she knew they were strong enough for her to betray the love of the only person she had ever wanted to spend her life with.

    That’s what was so confusing. She had never been more sure of anything in her life, as she had been about her relationship with Tina. After everything she had experienced in her past, she felt she had finally gotten it right with Tina. She knew they had been through some difficult things this year, but she didn’t think it was anything that could, or would threaten their relationship. Now, after seven years, Bette found herself questioning her judgment, her motives, and her capability to maintain a life-long relationship. She was so disappointed with herself. She was so sure she could be with just one person forever, as long as that person was Tina.

    Then she met Candace. Candace, with her eyes that could see right through Bette, like no one she had ever met, and could still convey such tenderness and understanding. Candace, with her infectious smile and gorgeous lips. She had this incredible ability to portray such self confidence, without the negative conintations that come from ego. Candace, who made Bette want to jump out of her own skin and into Candace’s.

    Yet…Tina. ‘Oh Tina baby. I am so sorry. I have screwed it up for us. I am so sorry. I hope someday you will be able to forgive me. I hope someday…well, I just hope someday we will both be able to find our way out of this and into happiness.’

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