INTERSTITIAL – SCENES OF L.A.

[A busy commercial street. Cars honk, people shop.]

INT. – THE PLANET – DAY

[Bette and Tina sit at a table. Music plays in the background. A waiter delivers drinks to their table. Bette is on the phone, calling her office. Her assistant answers.]

Assistant: (phone) Bette Porter’s office.

Bette: (phone) Hi James, it’s me. Can you just, uh, forward my calls to my cell? Thanks.

[Bette hangs up. Alice walks to their table, Shane in tow. Alice is talking through a rolled-up poster. Shane is wearing sunglasses and a hooded sweatshirt.]

Alice: (through poster) Hey guys, check this out.

[Alice unfurls the poster. It’s one of Lacey’s posters, of Shane.]

Bette: (re: Shane’s outfit) Oh, my god, it’s the Unabomber.

Tina: What’s going on?

Alice: (laughing) Lacey is on some sort of rampage. She’s putting these all over town.

[Dana shows up and sits down at the table.]

Dana: You guys, you guys, there’s a giant billboard of Shane on Sunset.

[Shane looks at her, silently miffed.]

Dana: (to Shane) (laughing) Just kidding.

[Alice rubs Shane’s head and giggles. Bette and Tina laugh.]

Bette: (to Dana) So how’s your lady friend?

Dana: Good. I have my date tonight!

[Shane smiles.]

Bette: Ooh.

Tina: Oh, my god, Dana’s got a date.

Alice: What are you wearing?

Dana: Um… well, I was thinking of wearing that — you know, that blue sundress –

[Everyone immediately disapproves.]

Bette/Tina/Alice/Shane: Nooo.

Bette: No.

Shane: No.

Alice: No.

Dana: (surprised) What!

Alice: How many times do I have to tell you no sundresses?

[Tina and Bette smile.]

Dana: But I’m going to a nice play, y’know, somebody might see me.

Alice: One guy recognizes you, and all of a sudden you’re like Tiger Woods.

Dana: Bite my head off, god…

Shane: Jesus, Al, it’s not Dana’s fault Gabby’s macking on Nadia Meirtschin.

Dana: Oh, god, Nadia Meirtschin, I hate that girl. I’ve been introduced to her, like, 24 times and she never remembers my name.

[Bette looks at Tina.]

Bette: Didn’t she… try to hit up on you once, Nadia Meirtschin?

Tina: (laughs uncomfortably) She was drunk. Still…

Bette: (to Alice) It has to end.

Tina: But seriously, Alice, you can’t let Gabby continue to treat you this way.

Alice: You guys don’t know her. I know it looks like she’s treating me like shit, but… it’s — she’s just, y’know —

Dana: Treating you like shit, Al.

Alice: Maybe. It’s just —

Bette: No. It’s just you deserve better.

Alice: I do?

[Everybody makes a face.]

Alice: Allright, I do. But… I just feel like at times, she’s, like, so right there, and I feel like we connect and then, all of a sudden, she acts like I don’t even exist.

Tina: That’s because she’s an emotional cripple.

Bette: Yeah. Emotional cripple slash narcissistic personality disorder.

Tina: And the next time she calls you? You have to end it.

Alice: I know. It’s just —

Bette: It’s just nothing.

[Alice laughs.]

Tina: What are you gonna do?

Alice: Well, I was gonna ask her —

Bette: No asking.

Tina: What are you gonna tell her?

[Alice laughs again.]

Tina: You’re gonna say, “Gabby, I really enjoy the time we’ve spent together, but it is obvious to me that we are in different places in our lives and we want different things out of a relationship, and I respect myself too much to let you continue to treat me this way.”

Bette: “It’s clear to me now that you are an emotional cripple without any kind of capacity to understand true love.”

Tina: “And I’m no longer willing to waste my valuable time on you.”

Bette: “So step off, bitch!”

[Alice and Dana crack up. Shane smiles. Bette’s phone rings. She answers it.]

Tina: Do it!

Bette: (phone) Hello? Gina! Hey!

[Bette gets up and walks a few feet away for privacy.]

Bette: (phone) I am so sorry about last night. I hope you got the message, there was this terrible accident… Yeah. I’m really looking forward to talking to you about “Provocations,” I think that the… (listening) … oh… Oh really? (listening) Well, is there any way that I could get you to reconsider because I think that the C.A.C. … (listening) … Okay. Allright.

[Tina gets up and goes over to her.]

Bette: (phone) No, no, no, no, thank you. Bye. (hangs up)

Tina: What happened?

Bette: (sighs) “Provocations” went to MOCA. That’s where Gina was last night while I was sitting alone at the bar at The Four Seasons.

Tina: Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.

Bette: I knew Gina would screw me. I am so fucked.

[Bette walks back to the table. Tina follows.]

Tina: Is there anyone who can overrule her?

Bette: Just Peggy Peabody, the billionairess raving lunatic.

Alice: Peggy Peabody? Unified Steel heiress?

Bette: Yeah.

Alice: She’s in town, y’know. She’s staying at the Las Alemendros, Santa Barbara. She’s on some crazy art-buying spree. Spent like $6.3 million bucks yesterday.

Tina: How do you know all of this?

Alice: I was eavesdropping at L.A. Magazine. Do you guys know they want me to do a story on the 45-minute orgasm? As if?

[Bette gets up from the table again to make a phone call on her cell. She picks up her purse and heads for the door. Tina gets up to follow.]

Alice: I mean, by definition, there’s short and intense, right?

Assistant: (phone) Bette Porter’s office.

Bette: (phone) Hi, James? Can you, uh, get me directions for the Los Alamendros in Santa Barbara?

Assistant: (phone) Franklin found out you passed on “Impressions in Winter.”

Bette: (phone) What else?