CHAPTER 5 My own worst enemy…

Ashley Davies had a problem.  A big one.  She had been going out with Spencer for almost a whole year now and things were going good.  A little too good.  Sure they fought like normal couples and their make-up sex was always amazing but lately Ashley had the sinking feeling there was something that she was missing out on.  She knew at times she still distanced herself form Spencer…more out of habit than anything…but these episodes were few and far between and she was doing her best to be as good a girlfriend as she could. 

It was not an easy task. 

Its not that Spencer was a difficult person to be with…in fact Ashley thought she had it really easy compared to what Spencer had to put up with…its just that sometimes Ashley knew that Spencer deserved more and she would always do anything she could to give it to her.  No matter what the cost.

It had been about two months since that fateful night when they first made love to each other and both girls were amazed at how much they had learned together.  Spencer learned to deal with the physical aspect of the relationship and use this newfound knowledge to help boost her confidence not only in the relationship and Ashley but in herself as well.  Spencer was really coming into her own and grasping her sexuality as a good thing rather than a curse that she used to think it was.  And Ashley was becoming more aware of other people noticing Spencer’s new outlook on life, but she also knew they would stay away because she was there.  Spencer also learned that Ashley best defined herself through physical action rather than words.  Ashley could be as articulate as anyone about most things…but when it came to her emotions or deepest thoughts…well Ashley barely said two words.

Ashley on the other hand learned how to deal with the emotional side of the relationship and of Spencer.  Ashley now understood how to recognize when Spencer was feeling insecure like when a hot girl hit on her at Gray’s, and Ashley learned to recognize when she was dealing with the situation by retreating back to sarcastic Ashley rather than then gentle caring Ashley that she really wanted to be for Spencer.  It took a lot of yelling and fighting and hurt emotions for her to see that sometimes she really did push back so hard and did her best to keep everyone out that she would even shut out Spencer…and she was not okay with that.  One night in particular about a week after they first made love her and Spencer got into a huge fight and Ashley will never forget what Spencer said to her…