Time could roll on deaf ears because there was no more sound. Secopnds leaped around each other in her head, causing her to slightly lose herself for a minute. She didn’t know though, time could pass but nothing could signify that it was still going. To her this was it, and she couldn’t breathe. As she fainted, it started to come back, and before she knew it she was sitting outside in the dark; from morning to night in a matter of seconds, lead by a few words that held a secret tightly inside her mothers heart. Truth was now in the open and Spencer saw what really was going on.

Hidden motives became apparent and the way her mother acted in the past few months was finally revealed to expose that she had nothing against what Spencer and Ashley had, but more along the lines of jealousy. Ashley and Spencer could make it, her mother had told her earlier, but her mother and her ex would stay as just that.

No, her mom was not gay, but very much still unsure. “I just pushed myself to believe that nothing was ever wrong with me, that I was straight no matter what. I love your dad yes, but not like I had loved her and it makes me wonder a lot. That’s why I can honestly say I haven’t cheated on him with Ben, I have no desire too.” That was a dream Spencer had thought.

Along the lines of Ashley, Spencer was even more lost. Ashley wouldn’t talk to her for awhile because they gave her some pills to help her sleep for awhile. She needed her rest anyway and Spencer was now given time to think of what to do. She had come up with nothing so far, and as time passed she just became more confused and her only conclusion was that Ashley wpould be better off, and that Ashley of course would never even consider giving her a second chance.

But things weren’t that bad yet, not even close. The worst that could happen was yet to come, because sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sometimes trust and honesty are the things that stab you in the back while lies and deciet are what keep you happy. Life is funny at these times, but for Spencer and Ashley……. the fun wouldn’t be beginning……. not for a long while.


Hospital Waiting Room – Spencers POV

It’s cold and the air is thick and dull. Infection spreads in heat so they have to keep this place colder than needed to prevent that from happening. It sucks because outside it’s even colder, I can’t escape and I can’t stand the cold. I would leave, but the second I would get to the car I would run back one more time to make sure that her chest was still heavy up and retreating down. I would never leave her right now, now the time she needs me most. Her mother hasn’t even showed, told me that she had some business that was more important than her daughters pathetic cries for attention. She also said I shouldn’t hed to them like I have before because it’ll just get worse.

Such a fucking bitch……

If she shows up……. I’ll make sure I set her ass straight……. or curved, which ever would hurt her worse.

I fold my arms across my chest and feel a shiver escape my body. Goosebumps form on my skin and I rub my skin gently to chase them away. My mom has been asleep next to me for the past few hours, she’s had a pretty rough and stressful day. She…… She, for the first time, was open with me about herself. I’m not the first person though, but I am the first out of our family. Grandma must be in complete denial of what my mom had done while in College and chalked it up to an experiment in College that all College kids do. But I’m more than 100% sure dad never tried something with a guy…… know what? I’d rather not think about that.

I slowly get up from my seat and walk back over to Ashley’s room. I don’t expect her top be awake but she is and she’s crying. Shes starring at her arm, rubbing over whatever they put over her arm. The restrained her too, the cops said they had to for protection…… for protecting her from herself, which right now wasn’t her worst enemy; love was the enemy right now.

As I look on I can tell she’s breaking again. But this time she has no alcohol to make it numb. I have no idea what I could do to make her feel better, and whether if I try would matter or just hurt her more. I can safely say it’s a chance I shouldn’t take right now, but it’s 12:30 something at night, or morning, and I have nothing to do and I know I won’t sleep. So I just suck it up and I enter.


Ashley’s hospital room – Ashley’s POV – Before Spencer comes in

I don’t try and be strong or to pretend I’m something I’m not; I’m weak as it is and this bandage on my arm proves it. I could have just taken that gun and shot myself in the head…… BANG! and Ashley is dead. But instead I took a knife and sliced my arm, giving whoever it could be a chance to save my life………. and whoever it was I hope doesn’t show their face to me anytime soon.

I wipe a tear away slowly…… Why I am crying is a mystery but I’m sure I’ll find out why if I just think. No, thinking leads to her…… well, doesn’t matter now, talking to myself has lead to her anyway. I can’t escape can I? I give love a chance after years of pain because of my love for others, and then she brings it all back on me. I’ve heard of Karma but what did I do for this to come back? I worked shit out with her, doesn’t that cancel out what I did? Am I doomed to pay again and at the cost of even more in my life?

Where do I stand in life anyway? Here I am restrained to a bed….. not fully restrained but enough to make sure I don’t attempt to take my life. Only problem is I won’t attempt, this time around I will do, whenever that chance presents itself to me.

My head snaps to the door as it opens. Spencer……. she’s still here even at midnight. She’s crazy……

But she just stand there and says nothing, we just stare into each others eyes like a god damn cliche and we don’t say shit. What’s next? Is she going to wisp over here and be all romantic and apologetic and I forgive her and we have a kiss to seal our love again? BULLSHIT, it will not happen, if she thinks I’m going to even listen-

“I don’t know what to say, and I’m pretty sure you’d rather not hear it.”

-then she’s right, I will listen. Because lsitenning is a way to prevent me from talking. She’ll piss me off enough to where I will refuse to say anything, I just have to give her a few more minutes.

“But I have to try Ash, I can’t let us justslip away because we’ve had a bad few weeks, this iw roth more than a few weeks of shit to me. This is worth years of pain to me, because one smile with you makes up for it plsu another decade of pain. I just hope that maybe you’ll see us like that too, because this is just one bad time; the good is around the corner Ash, and I’m still here to share it with you.”

I don’t know if her rambling is nervousness or if she is trying to talk fast enough she can say what she needs to before I tell her to leave……

“Leave, Spence, there’s nothing left to share or smile about; not for me at least.”

“How do you know?” she whines, almost throwing a tantrum by throwing her hands against her body.

“Because I want to die, I don’t want to live in a world like this……. or with this……” I’m not sure how to explain it, but “love- it’s just shit.” she looks defeated and shakes her head.

“I don’t blame you Ashley, but….. a lot has happened since this morning, like my mom! You would ne-”

“I don’t care.”

“But you have no idea what she-”

“I don’t care if she was begging you to fix things or not or even if she paid you, your moms approval means nothing because she can’t approve of something that isn’t even there.”

“How can you say these things to me?”

“How could you manipulate me?”

“I wasn’t- I didn’t mean- It just- I missed you!”

“You missed me? You missed me, so you manipulated me which changed me.”

“It doesn’t make sense, okay, and I can’t make sense of it either. I was so hurt by you but lost without you. I couldn’t do anything Ashley, I only ate twice without throwing up the those weeks we were apart. I can’t handle lossing you, and I couldn’t let it happen. I had to do something, and my cousin-”

“Oh! Yeah! Alexa, right? The one you accused me of fucking when I was drunk? The one you acted jealous over because I couldn’t remember her?”

She finally sits down and puts her head in her hands. Inside my head I know I want to stop, but am I ever one to think before I speak? She had me doing that for awhile, before I found out she had played me. She played me…… “the player got played. What a great way to go out huh?”

“Go out? you can’t seriously be thinking of……o-o-of what you tried?”

“What I tried was and still is my only way pout of these shitty feelings I have. Emotions are killing me Spencer, and soon I won’t even be able to love. What’s the use then? Why live now and just feel all this pain and guilt-”

“Wait, what guilt?”

“Over the pain I caused others….. particularly you.” I admit it, but I won’t explain, which will drive her nuts and that right now will make me feel a little bit better.

“Ashley, the pain you caused me is nothing compared to what I have done. At least you told me what you did when it happened. I never mentioned it and I never was going to. Use that against me if you want, but I was not going to and still am not willking to lose you. I can’t,”

“But you have.”

“I refuse to believe that.”

“Why? We are done Spencer…… done!”