I can’t help but to feel so alone right now. It’s been four years and you’re still doing this to me but I can’t blame you. I still love you no mater what I do or who I do it with they can never take your place I won’t let that happen. But you have to understand that I can’t be alone today

                         Later that day

“Spencer?

“What”

“Your still here”

Nope I left this is just a hologram

“Yhea I was wondering if you had any good movies to watch”

“Movies?”

“Yes you know the kind that you put in a DVD player and you know…”

Seeing her blank stare makes me mad and that’s how its suppose to be.

“Watch” god do I know how to pick them or what

“I know what movies are. I’m just curious as to why you haven’t left yet (pause) staying here after we have sex isn’t something that you normally do”

Okay Spencer don’t say anything that will make her kick you out

“Ummm I really wanted to watch something with you”

I can’t be alone today and we being here won’t mean anything because you annoy me and as long as it stays that way I’ll be fine.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m gana get my movie collection then you can pick one out”

She gives me a smile. I guess she’s not so bad. Damn it I have to get out of here if I start thinking that then I’ll be betraying her. I can’t do that to her.

I left her a note telling her never to call me again. I know that it was wrong but you have to understand if I started having feelings for someone else it would be a betrayal. I got in my car and drove off. Driving around I let myself think about all the good times me and Ashley had. I parked by the beach and called the only other person who had a connection with her and me.

“Hey Spencer I’m glad you called I was getting worried about you I’m sorry I couldn’t stay with you today but I couldn’t get out of that meeting”

“Its okay I went over to Jess’s house thought that maybe being with her today wouldn’t be so bad and it wasn’t I didn’t feel guilty at all”

“Then what happened”

“I asked her if I could stay with her and watch a movie and I started to get that feeling that she wasn’t a terrible person but someone that I could stand and -”

“And what Spence you felt like your plan that every girl you sleep with you have to hate and this one starts to get on your good side and you bolt.”

“Well to put it really bluntly yes. How can I possibly date someone? What would Ashley Think?”

“Spencer you can’t be doing this to yourself it’s been what four years since Ashley died and you keep putting yourself in these situations. Spencer you know I love you but you have to stop this. You deserve to find someone-”

“don’t Madison I cant do that to her”

to be contiuned-