Complicated.

6b:

Thursday

Ever since she learned about Corey and Spencer, Ashley started frequenting the small gym her apartment building had for its residents more often than usual, putting her body through hours of intense exercise each visit. She was in isolation mode; warding off those close to her; preoccupying herself with activities that didn’t involve other people to give herself some time alone with her thoughts. That’s how she operated whenever an uncomfortable or unusual situation arose. Avert and avoid. Her parents were particularly fond of this method when she was younger.

Staying away from the apartment as much as possible was also part of this isolation period. Being near Corey, acting normal around her, was really hard. Why? Because Corey was dating Spencer. Spencer Carlin. A woman Ashley Davies had once loved with all of her being.

– – –

“So,” Corey started, keeping her eyes on the TV, “what about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

“Uh, no.” Ashley smiled. “I don’t do relationships.”

– – –

“When I get too close, fall too hard, or get too attached to people, they leave me,” she finally said. “It’s been like that all my life.”

“I’m not scared of getting my heart broken, or falling in love. I just choose not to. My life’s less complicated without it.”

– – –

Ashley had lied that night. Corey was right; she was scared of love, of getting her heart broken. The pain of loving someone and having that person walk away was excruciating; she knew, she had experienced it many times in her twenty-two years. After her relationship with Spencer ended, she vowed enough was enough. She was finished with relationships. No one was going to hurt her ever again, because they wouldn’t get close enough to do so. She put up a barrier around herself, around her heart, blocking others from getting inside, and started controlling who came in and out of her life, and how long they were around. After a while, the need to receive and return love faded. She no longer desired an emotional connection, or a loving, committed relationship with one person. She now craved brief physical contact with people she had no ties to whatsoever. This was easy and painless, and kept her fragile heart whole.