It’s the middle of summer. My past few months, weeks, days have been spent mostly the same, mostly with Madison, hardly with Spencer. I should be used to not spending so much time with her, but I’m not, and I don’t want to get used to it, it doesn’t feel right, this isn’t how it should be, so I can’t bring myself to accept it. Definitely not now, maybe not ever. Don’t get me wrong, I have spoken to Spencer here and there and seen her a few times, but we’re not how we used to be, nothing’s like it used to be. We had another argument last week (all by text message by the way, we have a text message friendship now) which is ridiculous as we’ve hardly seem each other, so what could there be to argue about? Maybe that’s the point; we’ve hardly seen each other. I close my eyes to fight back tears as I think about what was said, even now.

Spencer:{Hey Ash. What you up to?}

Ashley:{Hi. Not a lot, how about you?}

Spencer:{Same, pretty much. How are you doing?}

Ashley:{I’m fine, as always. How are you?}

Spencer:{I’m really good. Are you sure you’re okay?}

Ashley:{I just told you I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?}

Spencer:{Well you know, after everything.}

Ashley:{No, I’m fine, really. I don’t even feel the way I did about you anymore.}

Spencer:{I’m fucking glad. It’s about fucking time you got over it.}

Ashley:{Fuck you, Spencer.}

Now maybe I deserved that somehow, but I never expected such cruel words to be directed at me from Spencer. I don’t understand how she can just throw all of that in my face, even if I am over her now, I still felt something for her and it was real and she must know that saying that is going to hurt, even if only a little. Well it hurt like fuck. And I totally made up the part about me not feeling that way anymore, I feel everything I felt for her before, ten fold.

Somehow we managed to get to talking again, sort of, but we never discussed what was said. But tonight there’s a party at the house of a girl we used to go to school with, Spencer and Becca are making me go because they were quite good friends with the girl, still are. I don’t quite understand what this has to do with me, but I’ll go for the chance to hang out, with Spencer. I’m meeting them on the way to the house, and by “them” I mean Becca, her boyfriend Kyle, Spencer and him. My stomach is already turning. As of yet I haven’t had to spend any time in close proximity with the two of them together, he wasn’t even at Spencer’s birthday a few weeks ago, he was on holiday with his family or some shit, like I care. I realise that this is the first time I’m going to be around the two of them together, as a couple, and I fight every feeling I have to turn around and go home as I approach them on the street. But as I get closer I realise the he is missing and I thank fuck that he won’t be there tonight. I go to greet them as I get closer but I don’t get the chance as Becca runs to me and forces a hug upon me as I laugh and hug her back, after she lets go Kyle steps towards me and greets me with a short hug. As I pull away from him I notice Spencer standing back, she takes a step towards me and stops as if waiting to see if she can hug me like the others have, so I take the remaining steps towards her and wrap my arms around her as I hear her release a sigh. “It’s okay, Spence.” I whisper into her ear before I pull away and see her give me a small smile and nod. All the way to the house I avoid asking about his whereabouts, because I really don’t care to be honest, and I’d rather keep him out of conversation, but obviously the fates hate me as Kyle brings it up and it’s then that I find out that he will in fact be joining us later on tonight. Oh joy, let me count the ways that I cannot wait. My total? Zero. It’s going to be one long fucking night.