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    Best For Me – (Chapter: I’m not crazy cos I take the right pills, every day.)

    Story written on November 20, 2006 by clomle44.
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    Genre(s): N/A
    Rating: N/A
    fanfiction(s):
    Character(s): N/A
    Number of Comments: 48
    Words: 2040
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=12419
    Author Notes:

    I’m sorry about the rating, it’s not quite what you think.
    Oh, and it’s not proofed, I’m getting lazy about these things.

    Spencer didn’t really know how to deal with Ashley in this situation. The brunette was leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees and pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. All the blonde could do was run slow circles on Ashley’s back and sit there next to her, looking worried. She could feel the intensity in the room, and it flowed out of the brunette in waves. The urge to say something was fighting inside Spencer, and she found the silence overpowering.

     

    “Ash, talk to me” Spencer hoped her words were the right ones, and yet, her instincts were screaming again. Don’t push, don’t push too hard. Ok, she wouldn’t push…

     

    “Spencer…” Ashley rubbed her eyes again. “It’s ok. I’m ok, can we just leave it.”

     

    Ok, maybe push a little.

     

    “For how long Ash? Till it eats you from the inside out?” Spencer kept her voice deliberately soft and she slid a little closer to the girl next to her. “Until you talk to someone else? Because if I actually thought that might happen, I’d leave it. But I know you well enough now to know that you’re going to throw this down inside and pretend it’s ok.”

     

    “It is ok!” Ashley was not being the most convincing of liars at this point. Spencer leaned forward, brushing the hair off the brunettes cheek and face.

     

    “Ash.. please hon, talk to me. Everything will be ok, I promise, just… talk to me.”

     

    “I can’t…”Ashley cried in response, a cry so deep and guttural that it made Spencer’s insides twist. “You don’t understand who I am… what I can do… Spence…”

     

    It was clearly getting worse. Ashley was keening with some inner grief that Spencer couldn’t identify and all the blonde could do was pull her close and hope to help her ride through it. “You’re wonderful Ash, you’re amazing…” She was murmuring whatever she could think of to calm the situation down, and it wasn’t working. Ashley had worked herself up and she was becoming insensible… “Ash, Ash” Spencer pulled her closer, into her arms, rocking and praying it would be ok, “Ash, sweetie it’s ok, shh, I’m here, it’s ok…”

     

    “Spence… god Spence..” Ashley’s head was pressed into the crook of Spencer’s neck and she let her body fall against the blondes, “I can’t do this. I’ll… I … I want so much…I can’t…”

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    Comments

    2. no wait that’s all….man …that was just mean…lol..amazing awesome ok ive run out of “A” words to describe this chapter but it was both of those and more …pllleeeaassseee pmssss…

    4. OMG!!!!!!! What is going on????? I want to know right now!!!!! What could she have possiblly done? Does it have to do with the baby, or is Ash leaving, or she had an affair with Grey!!!! That must be it!!! Ha Ha…jokes……right??!!?!?!??!

    5. so…i’m pretty much all about cliffhangers. they make for an awesome story. but…c’mon. if you’re gonna leave it at that…you have to post the next one like..tonight. well it’s tonight where i am. maybe not where you are. but either way..the sooner the better :]

    9. *Gasp* I LOVE! this post but all the times I’ve pictured Ashley in a struggle with herself…never have I pictured it like this. Usually I see Ashley crying, then Spencer holding and kissing her, making everything better. This DAMN Cliffhanger doesn’t do that! It leaves Ashley in pain, with Spencer wanting to help but failing. I hope that the next post makes everything better…This may sound super dramatic but I feel like one of those kids who are the products of a failed marriage that leads to divorce…and I’m pretty sure I lost you there. What I mean is that if everything isn’t good and happy they go all crazy and mentally breakdown. They’re the people that make being a pyschatrist worthwhile. In the end it’s gotta be ok, doesn’t it?

    10. Oh, no! I’m cliffhung and going away! Argh! Le sigh. I’m glad you’re feeling better, at least. And I’m glad Spencer is there for Ashley, despite Ashley’s apparent fall off the deep end. I KNEW Ash’s past was gonna come into play somewhere. She seemed to nice and simply happy and free spirited to be our little Ashley, now didn’t she? Speaking of our Ashley, you’ve lost her again, eh? Spencer, too? Should I call my Uncle? Or is this a job for the Cloober Army? Their very first mission! ::sob:: They grow up so fast! (Must’ve been the drywall…)

    13. fjklafjdljsafkld;jakfljdsahj…..there are no levels to how frustrated I am right now!! DAMMIT Clom! Why the cliffy?! I wanna know whats so wrong with Ash! fjkafkldjakf;jmdelamFKLM ARGH! I need to go scream into a pillow. You can be such a meanie sometimes! ;) But I wove you anyways, cause your writing is so fuckin good! ARGH though! :-P

    18. no wait that’s all….man …that was just mean…lol..amazing awesome ok ive run out of “A” words to describe this chapter but it was both of those and more …pllleeeaassseee pmssss…

    20. OMG!!!!!!! What is going on????? I want to know right now!!!!! What could she have possiblly done? Does it have to do with the baby, or is Ash leaving, or she had an affair with Grey!!!! That must be it!!! Ha Ha…jokes……right??!!?!?!??!

    21. so…i’m pretty much all about cliffhangers. they make for an awesome story. but…c’mon. if you’re gonna leave it at that…you have to post the next one like..tonight. well it’s tonight where i am. maybe not where you are. but either way..the sooner the better :]

    25. *Gasp* I LOVE! this post but all the times I’ve pictured Ashley in a struggle with herself…never have I pictured it like this. Usually I see Ashley crying, then Spencer holding and kissing her, making everything better. This DAMN Cliffhanger doesn’t do that! It leaves Ashley in pain, with Spencer wanting to help but failing. I hope that the next post makes everything better…This may sound super dramatic but I feel like one of those kids who are the products of a failed marriage that leads to divorce…and I’m pretty sure I lost you there. What I mean is that if everything isn’t good and happy they go all crazy and mentally breakdown. They’re the people that make being a pyschatrist worthwhile. In the end it’s gotta be ok, doesn’t it?

    26. Oh, no! I’m cliffhung and going away! Argh! Le sigh. I’m glad you’re feeling better, at least. And I’m glad Spencer is there for Ashley, despite Ashley’s apparent fall off the deep end. I KNEW Ash’s past was gonna come into play somewhere. She seemed to nice and simply happy and free spirited to be our little Ashley, now didn’t she? Speaking of our Ashley, you’ve lost her again, eh? Spencer, too? Should I call my Uncle? Or is this a job for the Cloober Army? Their very first mission! ::sob:: They grow up so fast! (Must’ve been the drywall…)

    29. fjklafjdljsafkld;jakfljdsahj…..there are no levels to how frustrated I am right now!! DAMMIT Clom! Why the cliffy?! I wanna know whats so wrong with Ash! fjkafkldjakf;jmdelamFKLM ARGH! I need to go scream into a pillow. You can be such a meanie sometimes! ;) But I wove you anyways, cause your writing is so fuckin good! ARGH though! :-P

    41. Hmmm…holy moley. Sarah, I am glad that my words have inspired you to make the choices you are making with these characters. I was thinking again about how I came into this, wondering how each character would flesh the other out. When I began reading this, I thought, okay, this is Spencer’s story. We see things from her perspective. But, just as in life, other people’s actions and reactions define us. The other day, I began wondering how close to death I have been in my life. How many times death whisked past me without notice. It fascinates me how we are all connected in this intricate web. People I have never met nor never will meet play a part in my life at such a coincidental yet also purposeful level. Joe Schmo’s decision not to drive to work to day may have altered the chain of events that would have led to my death at the hands of a fatigued bus driver, who closed his eyes for just a second as he whisked through that yellow street light. In this way of thinking, fate does exist. Predestination does exist on a certain level, for although decisions made and indecisions never acted upon do alter the ripple of “what will occur,” there is a set plan. It may be a mesh of overlapping lines and interconnecting circles, but I believe there is an outcome on the horizon. This all may sound odd and ridiculous, considering I am posting a response to your fic, but I have been wondering about these two characters. We started with Spencer. It’s her story. She is changing. Her life is changing. We see these changes. And yes, Spencer has to make these decisions, she has to be proactive, or else the lessons will never be learned. And she will end up back at square one. However…is it odd that once I began to get further into this story, I began to understand it as more Ashley’s story, not Spencer’s. What if she has been waiting for this moment? Patiently enduring listless relationships, wallowing over past wrongs, unable to shake the demons from off her shoulders? In walztes Spencer. She is married, has a baby. The two fall in love, are intimate, Spencer decides to get a divorce, face her parents, want to raise a second child, and ultimately grasp that control she has been lacking all her life. We have to cheer for her! She did it. She has the football and all she can see before the goal line is green. We all know it will be difficult, but Spencer can do this. You have allowed us to see that she can; she is strong…and ecause she had Ashley: strong, witty, talented, loving, totally together and perfect Ashley, who will grabs Spencer’s insecure, timid fingers and drag her to safety. But, what if it’s the other way around? What if Spencer is here for Ashley? Is she Ashley’s test? Did the web of connection shift to the right, and now here they are, involved in each other’s lives, each person exactly what the other needed to complete one another and force each individual to face up to their weaknesses and say enough is enough? When people say, you are a lot like your father and mother, I think, hell yeah, they molded me. Just as my friends have molded me, the women at the library who always gave me a smile and a free bookmark with a sticker on it. I guess what I am trying to illustrate with all this babble, and upon reread it is just that, lol, is that I love how much potential there lies with these characters, Sarah. You have created a world for these women and you now have the ability to create a tapestry of complexity and simplicity. Ah, the beauty of storytelling…like playing God, yah know? You get to decide if that bus missed me or not. Just as you decide if Ashley deserves forgiveness, or if Spencer knows what she really really wants and can stick with it. Either way, I will continue to search your story for the hidden meanings and placement of blames…until I remind myself that maybe none of that matters, and we all change together, that sticky web that holds us all together not looking to break anytime soon. Forgive me for this, I just drank a lot of coffee. :)

    42. Hmmm…holy moley. Sarah, I am glad that my words have inspired you to make the choices you are making with these characters. I was thinking again about how I came into this, wondering how each character would flesh the other out. When I began reading this, I thought, okay, this is Spencer’s story. We see things from her perspective. But, just as in life, other people’s actions and reactions define us. The other day, I began wondering how close to death I have been in my life. How many times death whisked past me without notice. It fascinates me how we are all connected in this intricate web. People I have never met nor never will meet play a part in my life at such a coincidental yet also purposeful level. Joe Schmo’s decision not to drive to work to day may have altered the chain of events that would have led to my death at the hands of a fatigued bus driver, who closed his eyes for just a second as he whisked through that yellow street light. In this way of thinking, fate does exist. Predestination does exist on a certain level, for although decisions made and indecisions never acted upon do alter the ripple of “what will occur,” there is a set plan. It may be a mesh of overlapping lines and interconnecting circles, but I believe there is an outcome on the horizon. This all may sound odd and ridiculous, considering I am posting a response to your fic, but I have been wondering about these two characters. We started with Spencer. It’s her story. She is changing. Her life is changing. We see these changes. And yes, Spencer has to make these decisions, she has to be proactive, or else the lessons will never be learned. And she will end up back at square one. However…is it odd that once I began to get further into this story, I began to understand it as more Ashley’s story, not Spencer’s. What if she has been waiting for this moment? Patiently enduring listless relationships, wallowing over past wrongs, unable to shake the demons from off her shoulders? In walztes Spencer. She is married, has a baby. The two fall in love, are intimate, Spencer decides to get a divorce, face her parents, want to raise a second child, and ultimately grasp that control she has been lacking all her life. We have to cheer for her! She did it. She has the football and all she can see before the goal line is green. We all know it will be difficult, but Spencer can do this. You have allowed us to see that she can; she is strong…and ecause she had Ashley: strong, witty, talented, loving, totally together and perfect Ashley, who will grabs Spencer’s insecure, timid fingers and drag her to safety. But, what if it’s the other way around? What if Spencer is here for Ashley? Is she Ashley’s test? Did the web of connection shift to the right, and now here they are, involved in each other’s lives, each person exactly what the other needed to complete one another and force each individual to face up to their weaknesses and say enough is enough? When people say, you are a lot like your father and mother, I think, hell yeah, they molded me. Just as my friends have molded me, the women at the library who always gave me a smile and a free bookmark with a sticker on it. I guess what I am trying to illustrate with all this babble, and upon reread it is just that, lol, is that I love how much potential there lies with these characters, Sarah. You have created a world for these women and you now have the ability to create a tapestry of complexity and simplicity. Ah, the beauty of storytelling…like playing God, yah know? You get to decide if that bus missed me or not. Just as you decide if Ashley deserves forgiveness, or if Spencer knows what she really really wants and can stick with it. Either way, I will continue to search your story for the hidden meanings and placement of blames…until I remind myself that maybe none of that matters, and we all change together, that sticky web that holds us all together not looking to break anytime soon. Forgive me for this, I just drank a lot of coffee. :)

    43. I definitely can’t say anything even remotely intelligent right now….but I didn’t think it was possible to love this story more than I already did. Wish I had your Spencer to tell me everything was going to be okay, too.

    44. I definitely can’t say anything even remotely intelligent right now….but I didn’t think it was possible to love this story more than I already did. Wish I had your Spencer to tell me everything was going to be okay, too.

    45. listening to damien rice while reading this story might not be a good idea. cos it’s so depressing. and yet your story really make me feel something today. what is it? maybe it’s the fact that the path to true love is never easy. we thought those two will be smooth sailing after everything. but nothing is ever as it seems is it?peglegmeg, that has to be the most thought provoking comment i have ever read. thanks for sharing it with us. and i’m glad you’re safe and well.

    46. listening to damien rice while reading this story might not be a good idea. cos it’s so depressing. and yet your story really make me feel something today. what is it? maybe it’s the fact that the path to true love is never easy. we thought those two will be smooth sailing after everything. but nothing is ever as it seems is it?peglegmeg, that has to be the most thought provoking comment i have ever read. thanks for sharing it with us. and i’m glad you’re safe and well.

    47. i’m very nervous about what ashley is about to tell spencer. they aren’t technically ‘together’ leaving ashley to do whatever she wants, but they definitely have each other’s hearts and they both know that even though they’re insistent on denying it! goodness gracious. she’s going to hurt spencer, i can feel it, but if she is mourning about it this much than she’s got to genuinely be sorry, right? right?! and this is all speculation of course! i’m wrong, and an idiot! you, on the other hand, are amazing.

    48. i’m very nervous about what ashley is about to tell spencer. they aren’t technically ‘together’ leaving ashley to do whatever she wants, but they definitely have each other’s hearts and they both know that even though they’re insistent on denying it! goodness gracious. she’s going to hurt spencer, i can feel it, but if she is mourning about it this much than she’s got to genuinely be sorry, right? right?! and this is all speculation of course! i’m wrong, and an idiot! you, on the other hand, are amazing.

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