But please don’t love him, come back to me, I’m begging you… I’m on my knees.

I lost her to a man… no, a boy, at best.  My dear beloved Spencer… my guardian angel… was stolen away from me by an intruder to the world her and I had created and lived so happily in.  Or maybe love blinded me from seeing the truth in her eyes.  Maybe I didn’t make her happy… maybe she pitied me.  But all those moments spent together… all those memories shared… I thought they meant something.

 

There was a time when all was perfect, no worries, but now that’s blurry.  Please don’t forget all the times we spent, and all the places we saw and went.  You were so happy, what did I do wrong?  Was I not good enough, all along…

 

She stopped loving me.  All of our promises, all of our dreams… our hopes and plans, our future… washed away.  Our passion, our fire… burnt until there was nothing but ashes.  Yet my fire still blazes on… my fire for her.  My longing… my needing.  But it was like a fire burning without its heat… slowly turning cold.  A fire without its oxygen… slowly suffocating.  A fire without its fuel… with nothing left to burn.  My days without her grow longer and my nights filled with self-destruction; money wasted on liquid used to drown all emotion.  Liquid that could never carry out its purpose… liquid that was never enough.  Nothing could fill the blackened space inside my chest where an item my true love still unknowingly clutched onto belonged, but would never return. 

 

Love can fade, can break away… can be forgotten, but not replaced.

 

 

 

He came along, took you away; He opened His arms wide… there you stayed.

 

I got this call from the Carlin home.  Suicide, rope and all.  She left a note made out to me… that’s all I heard before the phone slipped through my grasp as I sank to the floor.  Choked out sputters through cries and screams echoed throughout the room, ricocheting off of every surface imaginable.  My pain could still not be subsided as I shouted in agony, burning tears cascading down my cheeks.  I gripped onto my cell phone and hurled it at the opposite wall, followed by any other item within my grasp.  My angry tirade ended as quickly as it begun, my body seeped of all it’s strength.  I sank to my knees and then lower to the now unfamiliarly rough carpet as my hands began to shake violently… then my arms until I could no longer control any movement made.  I came to a still as weeps continued to force themselves through my slightly parted lips, finally understanding that nothing would bring her back.  No screams nor shouts, no alcohol or weed.  Cheap, glammed up sex from a random whore wasn’t going to fill that hole.  I would never touch her face again.  Her embrace would never again ease my aching heart after tonight.  There was no small hope left that she would return to me one day… no faith left to cling onto that she would once again walk through that door and back into my life.  She was gone forever…

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