There are moments in life you’d give everything to remember. To always remember. You know, the ones you keep holding on to for dear life, afraid that if you loosen the grip, just a teeny tiny bit, they all disappear. Vanish almost. Falling into a darkness you’re too afraid to approach. To look in to. To touch.

I keep thinking I dropped them. I lost them. I forgot them. Because, no matter how hard I try to remember I can’t seem to understand why we shattered. Why we broke into these little pieces, all too small to glue back together.

It had been great. We had been great. All along. We had shared two unbelievable years together. She was everything to me. And I was to her, at least, that’s what she told me. That’s what she showed me. Walking into my life with rays of sunlight warming my empty heart. She came along with her piercing blue eyes and turned my world around. Taught me about love. About trust. So where did we go wrong? When was it I became too unbearable to be with? Too disgusting? I know it was just a matter of time, everybody did, but I wonder when you realized it?

I still wake up in the middle of the night, sweaty and pale, looking for you on the other side. Reaching for you.

A month had passed, and I still hadn’t made the move. We held hands, We cuddled close, I’d kissed her temple, I’d nibbled on her earlobe, I’d kissed her neck but I had barely touched her lips. Once. With my thumb though. I respected her wishes and came to the conclusion that she would come to me when she was ready. And she did.