"Spencer, what are you doing?"

 "Don’t act like you don’t know Ash", and before i can say anything her lips crash into mine.  For a second i’m speechless, Spencer Carlin just kissed me…but i can taste the alcohol in her mouth and she reeks of it too.

"Spencer you’re drunk"
"Am nottttt! i just wanted to kiss you Ash, you’re so hott"…kiss.. "and you look cute when your surprised"

She kisses me again. I know i have to stop but i give in and let her tongue explore my mouth. Drunk or not the girl can kiss. She begins to trace her fingers along my side and she makes her way under my shirt. I finally break the kiss.
"Stop it Spencer, you’re drunk"
"sooo don’t you want me Ash? i see the way you look at me don’t pretend you dun want thiss." she slurs and her lips crash into mine once again…this time harder and the kiss gets deeper than the last.  She breaks off the kiss to lift my shirt kissing my stomach and continues going down, i really can’t breathe at this point, i want her so bad, all of her… she starts to unbutton my jeans and starts to pull them off, this is killing me… I snap out of it and realize I can’t let this go any further. I really really want this, i could easily sleep with her right now and, the whole game plan would end, but not like this, not while she’s drunk, she could just deny having feelings for me and blame it on the alcohol…not only that but when i sleep with her i want her to be herself, regardless of the plan right now.
"Spencer, stop I can’t"
"C’mon Ash we both want this" she’s panting.
"no, not like this i’m sorry, i have to go"
"oh i’m not good enough?! go ahead leave Ashley i don’t give a fuck" okay Spencer really isn’t herself, the Spencer Carlin i know never swears.
"Spencer of course I want this"  the question is so absurd that i can’t help but get angry.
"but don’t you dare blame me for not wanting to sleep with you, when first off you’re drunk, you have a boyfriend, and you can’t admit you like me when your sober!"
"I’m sorry Ash… I just…i’m so confused i don’t know what to do or what i want anymore" she starts to cry.
she’s obviously an emotional drunk. I have met a lot of girls that are emotional drunks, I would try and sleep with a few and they would just break down, normally i would just leave, but i can’t leave Spencer.  She’s drunk and helpless..and confused as she says. I try and comfort her.
"Spence, it’s okay..i’m sorry for yelling… just come to my place and crash, you can’t go home like this, we can talk about this when you’re better"
"Thanks" she sniffles. "You’re so perfect Ash" god if only she knew what my intentions were in the beginning, the last thing she would be calling me is perfect.

Spencer and I make it back downstairs and Spencer can barely walk on her own so i’m pretty much supporting her the entire walk to my car. She gets in the car and immediately passes out. I just hope she doesn’t throw up later, but it’s pretty inevitable.

I pretty much carry her up the stairs of my house and lay her on my bed.  I take off her shoes and tuck her in under the covers.  She is dead asleep and she looks so messy but right now she is still the cutest thing i have ever laid eyes on. she whimpers as she sleeps and i can’t help but giggle. I change and  I lay next to her, but not too close.  I’m relieved i’m finally home and i can just lay down and think.  Where do i even start? So many things are racing through my head. To continue on with the plan or not to continue on? And do i really have feelings for Spencer, really…i mean if i gave up bringing down Charlie, would our relationship even go anywhere? would it work? i have so much to think about and i’m honestly getting depressed again at this point.  I’ve had such a hectic night with the whole party and the disappointment in myself for using cocaine again, and then the down of the cocaine, and the almost sleeping with Spencer deal…i decide the best thing i can do right now is just go to sleep and pray that i can figure things out in the morning.