It’s been a week since I heard Spencer say her name in her sleep. I think a part of me died. I haven’t written anything since then and I think I shut down from her a little since then. It could all be harmless. She does only mumble pieces of her dreams. Maybe she was eating a really good dish, maybe. I hope. I pray. I don’t think I could live without her. Not knowing that someone else is loving her and she is loving them back just as much or more than than me. I may be getting a little too ahead of myself but it seems as if she got happier as I started declining and moving further away from my normal self. Is she really not in love with me? Why would she pretend to be if she weren’t? I know she wouldn’t cheat on me. No I don’t. She does have a past. But it’s been so long. Have I been blinded by love to not see something right under my eyes? Is that why Ashley hasn’t been around and why Spencer only has that slight twinkle in her eyes after she has just left her?

Too many questions that I can’t answer by writing on this paper.

Yeah I’ve mentioned her past but not in detail. She’s lied, she’s cheated, she’s broken hearts and had hers broken a handful of times but that was before me. She told me that she wasn’t proud of everything in her past but she doesn’t regret any of it because it made her a better person. The person she is today. The woman that holds my heart. Just a little note about that woman; she has only ever dated women before me. Yep, that’s right, Spencer, my Spencer. She told me that she saw something special in me and from that day on we started building what I thought was the beginning of forever with each other. Until now. Now things have changed. I felt it was off but I didn’t dwell on it. I never wanted to believe that this beautiful woman was not mine anymore and maybe it was just me being naïve.

-Aiden