One day at the family’s cementary, Claire was near an open pit that hasn’t been filled yet. I was coming up to her and she noticed me.

“Oh my god, I know you! You killed Marissa and Alex (Thank God for that one) Ashley and Spencer, and that disgusting incident with Jessie and Katie!”

“Will you shut da fuck up about Jessie and Katie, I had enough people reminding me about that incident!” I was sick and tired about people keep on reminding me about something that happened a long time ago, I don’t feel guilty because they got what they deserved.

“Now it’s time for me to deal with you!”

“Please leave me alone, PLEASE!!!”

“Fuck you bitch, No one’s gonna save your ass now! Not your brother Nate, nor your fruitty, French, flaming, flamboyant, fudgepacking, faerie, firehosing, faggot brother of yours David. He found out the hard way of why those people like him are called ‘faggots’.”

“What the fuck do you mean asshole?”

“Well I tied him to a tree, poured gasoline on him and the tree and started a fire.”

She was about to cry when I told her “and that girl Edie won’t be able to save you too, but I don’t think she would have wanted to save you considering how you dumped her. Also quite a few turkey-basting lezbos on AfterEllen.com would thank me as well for what I’m gonna do to you.”

“What do you mean by ‘she would have’?… DON’T TELL ME YOU KILLED HER TOO!”

“Yep, I saw her at a sushi bar on South Street. So I grabbed her and stuffed the remaining Tuna Rolls down her throat. However I found out that it was impossible since there was already some hairball down her throat (I’m serious, but these girls are worse than cats when it come to hairballs.) Next I took her to a wharf, tied a 300 pound metal to her feet and threw her to sea. She’s now sleeping with the fishes, but isn’t that a lesbian fantasy?” Only dykes gets turned on by the fishy smell of the wharf.

By now she was crying by all the bad news (good news to me) I gave her. So I quickly pick up the shovel and started to beat the shit out of her. Then I kicked her in the open pit, by now she was too weak to get back up. Finally I shoveled the dugged-up dirt into the open pit with her in it, she was still alive. Thus I buried her alive.

“Well that’s done, what should I do next?”

So I read the newspaper that I picked up before arriving here and saw this:

“Christina Aguilerra, Angela Bowie and Nelly Furtado are coming to Philadelphia!”

“Hmm… maybe I should pay them a visit.”

However from a good distance I see a tall sexy blond. It looks like she’s coming up to me! When she got close enough I knew who it was… Painkiller Jane! And I think she’s coming after me!

“Well it’s time for me to straighten her out…”

THE END