Across town Ashley sat in her English class, listening to her teacher talking about the range of topics they were going to have to deal with and how important the year was going to be. She let the words simply drift over her, it was not like she was going to go to college, none of it mattered to her, and she had enough buzzing around her mind and could not fit anything else in. The girl cast a glance to the empty seat beside her, knowing that it would have been Spencer’s seat…well if they weren’t so broken.

Ashley had so many conflicting emotions in her body and had completely no idea which ones to listen to. The one emotion that shined through all the others was her sadness and the fact that she missed Spencer terribly. Since meeting the blonde they had spent very little time apart maybe the most a couple of days, but this had been months. Spencer was like a drug to her, she needed her to survive and having to go cold turkey only caused more hidden damage, more than she would have expected. There was not a day that past that thought, of that night outside Spencer’s house did not come back to her, the look of pain on her girlfriend’s face caused her heart to rip over and over again.

Often she tried to justify what she had done to her heart but it was pointless, her throbbing nucleus felt betrayed by it’s owner, Ashley’s heart loved Spencer with every beat it took, and would have happily belonged to her forever, Spencer would never hurt it, the pain had been at the hands of Ashley. Her head understood it, and accepted the fact that she had ran away, yet it often allowed thoughts of Spencer to drift in to haunt Ashley. Her entire body was deceiving her wishes of trying to forget the blonde.

There are moments in you’re life that define you and tell you what sort of adult you are going to become. That moment with Spencer had told her what she had known her whole life; that she was no good, she was never going to be good for anyone, she was a let down, a failure. She had decided right there and then that it was better to hurt Spencer and walk away then her find out the truth and leave her. The only good moments that flowed through her memory were ones that Spencer had been a part of, and it was not up to the blonde to make her a better person, it was Ashley’s duty. She was weak. She would always be weak. And Spencer deserved better, she needed better.