Spencer heard her mom banging on the door but didn’t care; she just couldn’t believe Ashley lied to her to get her back here. The one place she really didn’t want to be. She turned off all the lights, laying on her bed in the darkness staring at the ceiling listening to the blaring music. The lyrics were lost on her as she played everything over and over in her mind, the fight with Ashley and Aiden at prom, the shooting, waking from a coma, the endless nightmares that she could never remember, the emptiness in her chest, her father dieing, Kyla bound to a bed because of two broken legs. And the one phrase burned into her skull, ‘my fault’. Everything could have been avoided if it wasn’t for her, no one would be hurt, and she’d be dead or better yet not born. Yeah then the world would be right, Glen would be jock boy and Clay would still be the brain and Ashley…she’d still be closed off but happy because she had no clue what she’d been missing.

Raife Davies crossed her mind, if she hadn’t gone to dinner with them that night would Ashley have stayed longer? Would he have driven off and been in that accident? Ashley might have been in that car with him….she didn’t know. But did it matter? Did anything about her or her memories matter?

NO…simple. Yet they did. Her family all showed her that they cared, but they shouldn’t she didn’t deserve it. They should throw her out, yell, scream, and beat her anything but sit there being concerned. She had to do something, something to make them stop caring…but what?

So many questions and no answers, why couldn’t any one answer her? Another question great… she chided herself. Her eyes finally focused as she realized she’d shut herself in a locked room with no lights, she hated the darkness. It was growing darker by the second, her body shaking with anticipation of monsters and laughter to emerge but nothing came making her even more scared. Blood rushed to her ears drowning out the music, she had to turn the light on but her legs stayed glued to the bed.

“Mom,” her voice echoed out but the music drowned out her already weak cry, “Mom?” she tried again only this time it became a whisper. She wished her mom would bang on the door again, call out to her, demand she open the door but the other part knew that her mom despised her and wished for the darkness to take her away. Maybe that was it, maybe letting the darkness wash over her, bleed into ever creak and crease of her broken heart, to drown in the sea of guilt and pain, maybe that would make them go away.

Gulping down her fear she pushed her self off the bed, gripping the wall to keep herself steady she made her way to the window. Opening it she remembered when Ashley texted her to open the window to skip and go to the beach, the crinkle in the brunette’s smile. The way she teased Spencer into seeing things her way, as usual. A small smile played on her lips as she perched herself on the ledge. She refused to glance down; instead her eyes roamed the expanse of the stars. Each one probably died a thousand years ago only the darkness was too stupid to let its hold on the light go as if even the black hole of space needed that faction of light, of safety to keep its hold on life.

She knew she was stupid too, keeping her light, Ashley, by her side. But now wasn’t the time for greed, now was the time to let the safety of the night light go out. It was time for her to fly with out the net of warm arms to hold her. Closing her eyes she leaned forward, wind rushing past her body like she was flying before it met the hard ground. The air in her lungs rushed out leaving her breathless, eyes fluttered straining to stay open for what purpose she didn’t know until Ashley’s face appeared above her. Brown sad eyes…she thought before collapsing into the black expanse of her mind.

TBC.