I took a deep breath and looked into her eyes.  I froze at all the emotions I saw there:  hurt, confusion, fear and hope.

Hope.  How good it felt to see some home in her eyes.

I reached forward to take her hand in mine, but she quickly pulled away.  It was then that I saw something else in her eyes–she was guarded.  She was hopeful for the best, but still expecting the worst.

"Thank you for not running away."

She just stared at me.  No change in her expression.  Her silence told me I should continue.  I couldn’t look at her while I spoke for fear I would see her expressions change, yet again.  I folded my hands in my lap and watched my fingers mindlessly fiddle with one another as I began to speak the words I had shifted around in my head a million times in the past 72 hours.

"For the past three days, I haven’t been able to think about anyone but you.  I haven’t been able to sleep without dreaming of you.  I haven’t been able to breathe without feeling your breath on my neck."

I heard her inhale at the end of my last sentence, but I didn’t shift my gaze from my lap and hands as I continued.

"Whenever anyone else speaks to me, I imagine it’s your voice I’m hearing.  Except, when i’m in silence, the only things I can hear you say are the screaming demands for me to not hug you or touch you or, essentially, show that I even know you’re around.  And everytime those words replay in my head," I paused, unsure if I should say the next words that graced my tongue, "everytime those words replay in my head… my heart breaks all over again."

I looked up at Ashley, unsure of what I was going to see or what I wanted to see.  She wasn’t looking at me.  Her chin was resting on her chest, and I saw a single tear run down onto her thigh, just like I had seen it fall on her kitchen counter only a few mornings ago.  Remembering what had happened when I tried to comfort her then, I just sat there, unsure if I should keep talking or not.  After about ten seconds, Ashley held up three fingers, and I knew she was letting me know I still had three minutes left to speak.