I’m walking down the street, this street I know so well… it seems so different now…

I saw all this movies and shows just like you did, I know what happened to me… that it’s not my fault and how I’m supposed to feel, think, but I don’t… I don’t feel anything I’m on auto pilot. My brain knows where my house is and it’s guiding me to it, I look normal. People walk by me and I pretend not to see them. I can’t deal with anyone right now…

I get home, home ha, they say home is where your heart is I don’t know where my heart is anymore. I enter quietly inside praying no one will hear me and cursing god for answering my prayers now and not two hours ago…

Again unlike the movies I don’t take a bath I’m so tired I go to my room and throw all the cloth I have on in the garbage can. I feel exposed… I throw something on and collapse on my bed, "my bed" is the last thing I think about before drifting off.

"Mmmmm" I hear close to me

"Good morning sexy" is being whispered into my ear as a tongue comes out to play with my earlobe.

I know this smell, I’m not really awake yet, but I’ll know this smell anywhere anytime, it’s my Ashley, my beautiful, loving, wonderful Ashley.

Suddenly it all comes back to me where I was last night what happened… I scream as I jump out of bed. She looks at me mortified 

"Spencer what is it?!" she asks in alarm. I can see she is debiting with herself whether to come close or stay back she chooses to stay back. good choice…

My brain is in turmoil. ‘Think, think fast!’ I tell myself I’m breathing hard…

"oh Ashley, I wass… having a nightmare a..and you just toke me by surprise that’s all, I’m fine really" ‘there, that’s a good one’ I pat myself on the back, but I can see it on her face, she didn’t buy it, she knows me too well, but thankfully she doesn’t say anything.

"O.k. Spance, so what are we gonna do today, any ideas" she has a devilish smile and she’s coming to hug me. I know what she wants I’m afraid I can’t give it to her yet, oh god what if I can never bring myself to do that again!?! Will she still love me?

She’s holding me close to her now; she starts kissing my neck tears are starting to drop from my eyes. She doesn’t notice at first but then;

"Baby what’s wrong?" she pulls back and sees my eyes "Oh baby what’s going on with you today?"

I choke my tears "no, it’s that dream it really shook me up…"

"Must have been some dream" she says looking in my eyes I look away. Now she’s worried I can’t deal with it.

"Look Ash I… I’m really tired, didn’t get much sleep last night, so I’ll call you later?"

"You want me to leave?" she’s hurt…

"I’m sorry baby. Tonight will do something o.k.?" I say in hope I can’t stand to see her sad.

"o.k…" she respond sadly. she kisses me lightly and walks out. "I love you" she says with her back turned I grab and turn her "I love you too" I kiss her long and hard and then let her go.

so what you think?