God how the hell I am even able to laugh and smile is a mystery to me still. I guess it is just something that Kyla’s optimism helps me do, it must be that because the only time I seem to do anything remotely close to living Kyla is around. Even thinking about her makes me smile sometimes, it’s quite ridiculous actually how much the Davies family can impact my feelings and moods. For the longest time I thought only Ash…. NO! I refuse to think of her, I’ll only start crying again and I know how much it hurts Kyla to see me crying. I fucking love that girl, she has no actual obligations to me yet every time I need some one there, there she is arms opened wide just waiting to pull my convulsing body, my torn and tattered shell, to her as if I was meant to be there.

I find it rather strange how my mind has been full of Kyla all summer; my need to be around her is sometimes so unbearable. I remember one night about a week ago I woke up in the middle of the night and she wasn’t next to me, I completely freaked, she came back in a few minutes later from the bathroom to find me huddled in a far corner of my room her pillow the only separation between my head and my knees as I sobbed profusely just trying to take in every last bit of her warmth and scent from the now damp cushion. She ran over engulfing me in her arms and begging me to forgive her for her stupid ness, I just clung to her, shaking, and making her promise she would never leave me, she would never bail, she would be there forever and a year. Ever since then Kyla has woken me up and taken me with her if she needed to do or get anything in the night.

Yes I Spencer Carlin have become so dependent on the youngest Davies that I wait outside the bathroom door for her in the middle of the night. I chance a glance over in her direction making sure she is still there even though I know for a fact that she is considering she is the one driving us to school.