Chapter Four

It’s been two months: two whole months since I last saw her face and the gentle curve of her cheeks.  Sometimes when I close my eyes at night I remember her eyes, and how they were filled with this blue that just ripped through you.  Sometimes I remember the way her smile made my whole stomach do somersaults.; and sometimes, when I’m all alone, I allow myself to remember how much that night meant, and how I would give anything just to see her face again and to hear her whisper my name into my ear as I fall asleep.

It’s been two long months.

I know what you’re thinking: I should’ve looked her up, right?  Well, trust me I tried, but this girl is basically invisible.  According to what I remember her telling me, she has only lived in California for a few months and for the life of me, I can’t remember her older brother’s name.  I can’t remember anything beyond her face.

I’m not engaged anymore.  After a month of my moping and missing his basketball games, Aiden called the engagement off.  One night when I came home for work he was waiting for me on the sofa with his hands in his lap.  

“Hey babe,” I said dryly, planting a kiss on his cheek, and he just smiled.  I tried to ignore it, that look in his eye like he was trying to remember every line in my face, every inch of skin.  “What do you want for dinner?” I asked.  “Chinese or Ethiopian?”  I was trying to be nice.  Aiden didn’t buy it.

“You’re off the hook Ash,” he said softly and he couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice.  I just stared at him blankly.  “Oh don’t look at me like that.  You know as well as I do that I can’t make you happy.”  He pauses here and then stands, walking over to the window.  “I’m gonna go over to my brother’s tonight and send for my things in the morning.”

“But Aid,” I stammered. “I…love you.”

“I know, Ashley.  I know.  But you’re not in love with me.  That’s the problem.”

I wanted to say something after this.  I wanted to say so many things, but Aiden didn’t give me a chance.  He was out of the door five minutes after that, and I haven’t seen him since except for a at a few home games.  I still go.  I still support him.  I still owe him so much for just being there.  Also, there was a ton of speculation in the press and I didn’t want our breakup to seem nasty or anything.