I Awoke to the sun shining through the bedroom window and on my face. I opened my eyes tiredly and they adjusted to the new found brightness of the day. I rolled over in bed and noticed that the spot that Spencer once occupied was now empty and there was a letter on her pillow. I glanced at the clock and it read 12:15. I never woke up before twelve and it looks like today could have been the day that waking up earlier could have worked to my advantage.

Sitting up in the bed, I pulled the covers up to my chest to cover my naked body from the slight draft in the room. It always did grow a little colder whenever she wasn’t near. I sighed and picked up the letter that was lying on the pillow, silently taunting me with the words it held inside. Heart rate picking up in pace, I glanced around the room.Her stuff was gone. She was gone. And the realization that things were more serious than I thought clutched at my heart. I took a deep breath, stirring a little in my spot on the bed, and bravely unfolded the letter. Not knowing what I was gonna read made my mind race and had me practically at the edge of my seat. But then again putting two and two together, the fact that she and all of her stuff was gone and that I was even holding this dreadful letter in my hand made it crystal clear what this letter would be about. So without delaying the heartache any further, I began to read the letter.

                               dear Ashley,

                                I know last night was good for us and we made progress but I’m still in doubt about the two of us getting back together. It is not because I don’t love you because I do. You mean everything to me. I would give my life for you but what you did to me, how you left me without an explanation, without even a phone call, tore me apart. The past three months have been hell without you and even that is and understatement of what its been like for me. Its not that I don’t want to be with you because I really really do and if I could just let what happened go then i would. If i could just easily forget about it, it would make things so much easier but I can’t. I don’t know if I can trust you anymore. I don’t know if I can trust when you say that you won’t leave me again because in the back of my mind there will always be that voice telling me that you are. That if things get hard again that you’ll be the first to pick up and leave and I’ll be left to scrap up the pieces of my heart again that you so carelessly shattered without a thought. It scares me to death to even think about possibly going back to the place I was in. I don’t want that and if your plan is to get into my good graces and get me back then leave me to fend for myself then I don’t want it…or you for that matter. That’s just something I refuse to go through again. You may think I’m being selfish and you know maybe I am but I sure as hell will not go through the heart ache I went through when you decided that I wasn’t good enough for you and left. I don’t know if I can do this with you again. You have to show me that you’re not that scared little girl you were before and that you’re ready to be in this relationship with me. Its all or nothing. I need all of you or none of you. Show me that you love me just as much as I love you. I need to know that you won’t throw in the towel if things get a little rocky. I love you so very very much Ashley but  if your only looking for a good time and a girl who’s whole heart isn’t in it then I’m not it. Its not me you’re looking for. The ball is in your court so either shoot or pass it to the another player.