Chapter Ten

Ashley’s P.O.V.

“Things have changed,” I said softly. I wish I could’ve said to Spencer that I’ve changed, but nothing really has changed with me. A lot of things have changed since we’ve last spoken to one another. I felt an unbearable emptiness inside of me. I never felt that way unless Spencer wasn’t around. I just couldn’t lie to myself and Spencer anymore. “I… I was scared at the time and you were never the bride of Frankenstein to me.” To be honest, I was still scared shitless, but I was more afraid of not having Spencer in my life.

Spencer looked like I had just killed her puppy or something. Did she think I was actually talking about being afraid of her? I never felt more comfortable with anyone than with her.

“Scared of me?” asked Spencer. No, I was afraid of how I felt I would screw up our friendship in the process. “I’m so not scary, Ashley.” I knew that, but I’ve had my heart broken before. The thing was that I never felt so connected to anyone before I met Spencer, and the idea of being with someone who was so good to me and for me that it made me scared beyond all reason.

“Not of you, but what my having feelings for you would mean to us, what we have together as friends. I couldn’t lose that so I had to pretend that these feelings didn’t exist and I would avoid hurting you in the process, but I did hurt you and I’ve been hurting you… I’m so sorry.”

“What’s done is done,” stated Spencer. Did this mean that she wanted nothing to do with me? I needed Spencer in my life. I needed to convince her that I could repair our friendship that what I was feeling was real.

“Could we start over, Spence?” I asked with curiosity. It wasn’t going to be easy with all of our history, but we needed a clean slate. “I would like to get to know the real you better.”

“Alright,” said Spencer. Did Spencer just say alright? Was I hearing things or was she really going to give me a chance to redeem myself? “We could try that, but it’ll take some time, alright?” I knew that gaining Spencer’s trust for me wasn’t going to be an easy task, but it was a task I was willing to commit to. I desperately wanted to fix what I broke. It didn’t matter how much time it takes as long as I have Spencer, whether it’s as a lover or a friend.