“….well, let’s just say you might not have to come out, causssse Alex Morgan has a really big mouth.” I said nonchalantly. I looked up to see Spencer, who was getting a damp paper towel, freeze for a second. “See, now you don’t have to worry about coming out. It’ll be so much easier for us!” I said excitedly.

“Good for use?” She choked out. “How is this good for me, Ashley? My…my mom… if my mom finds out – She’ll hate me! Ashley… I can’t have her hate me! I can’t. I can’t… this…” I felt like everything was in slow motion, my falling smile, Spencer’s frantic movements, her falling tears. I didn’t know what to say… I thought that… “I can’t be here with you… I can’t be…” her voice dropped in realization, “with you…” Suddenly everything was moving too fast.

“Wait what? I- Spencer?” I choked out. She was thrusting the cold towel into my hands and grabbing her purse off of the counter. I just stood there, broken and confused, water dripping onto my Chucks. She slowed down and stood in front of me with stormy eyes. I just stood there, trying not to panic… Spencer won’t really leave.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Spencer won’t leave me… she promised… she won’t… Biting back tears, she leaned in a pressed a kiss against my bruised lips.

I stood there looking blankly at the wall as she started to cry, as she closed the door, walked into the rain… and started to run home.

“Spencer.” I whimpered. My back slid across the counter. I couldn’t stop the sobs the racked my body… She won’t be coming back…

When I got up, it was pitch black; the clock on the microwave read 12:07. I picked my body off of the floor and crawled blindly up the stairs. Peeking into Kyla’s room, I saw she was sound a sleep and walked to mine. I pulled the pink sticky note off my door and threw my clothes on the floor, not bothering to turn the lights on as I collapsed on my bed.

I fell asleep for what only felt like 5 minutes but was more like and hour. I felt dead, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I tried to smell her shampoo on my pillow from almost weeks ago. I tried to take some Ibuprofen to stop the head ach that was tearing through my skull. When that didn’t work, I turned to what always did. I didn’t want to feel anymore… I wanted to stop loving her… I wanted to die… again.

I smiled as I sunk back into the nice, happy warm bed. I giggled at the pretty patterns danced across the ceiling.

“Go to sleep Ashley.”

“Not tired.” I said.

“Yes you are. Go to sleep. Yes, that’s better. Good girl Ashley.” I curled up in the fluffy blankets and fell back asleep.