“Why won’t you make love to me!!!” Spencer screams at me.

I can’t help but sigh. We’ve been dating for 7 months and we haven’t made love. Seven long months and nothing. But it hasn’t been from a lack of want on either side. That’s definitely no the problem. The problem is everything else. It’s what it would mean for me. It’s about it would the last step I would be taking. It’s the last step to completely falling.

I take another deep breathe and say quietly, “Spencer, I just want things to go slow. I just want them to be perfect.”

“How much more perfect do you want them to be, huh? You love me and I love you. So why won’t you make love to me? Why not? What’s wrong?” Spencer spat out bitterly. She had her arms crossed across her chest and she was just glaring at me. She looked so angry. So frustrated.

It really isn’t my intention to frustrate her. Hell, I’m frustrated as too. Beyond frustrated in fact. But I’m just so scared to take the last step. So scared because I know what it would mean. It would mean forever. Forever because I just wouldn’t be able to let her go. Come what comes I would never let her go.

As it is she rules my every waking moment. She’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep. I guess that’s why she’s even in my dreams.

“ Just tell me you don’t want me and lets end this.’ Spencer snaps angrily

Well that’s one way of bringing me back to the moment. I cross my arms across my chest and say calmly, “I don’t want to end this. I love you. I want you.”

“So then why won’t you make love to me? Why?” Spencer growls

Why, why am I not taking this beautiful woman to bed? That’s the million dollar question.

“Because it would be final.” I say flatly

“Final? Final? What does that mean? What?” Spencer snaps

Now, I’m at my wits end. I just don’t know how to explain to her.

“Well, I’m waiting.” Spencer snaps again

Ugh!!! Fine, I’ll tell her. I’ll show her. She’s standing in front of a wall. I walk over to her and push her against it. Pushing my body against her hard. Looking at her straight in the eyes. Watching the effect I’m having on her. Watching her eyes got darker. Gone are the clear blue eyes I get lost in. Now they’re dark. Dark, dark blue. Almost midnight blue. We stare at each other for what seems forever. I feel her breathing starting to hitch. I can feel her fighting the want to put her hands on me. I guess she’s still waiting for her answer. Here goes.