Ummm… this smell, the pillow, it’s filled with it, with her… how can I still remember her smell? It’s been so many years. But I do, it’s not the perfume she’s wearing or her shampoo it’s her smell. Spencer I’ve missed you… I’ve missed your voice, our talks, the way you make me laugh… god I can’t stay here… she’s with him and I can’t let this feeling inside me, I will never survive out there with it. It’s the first thing you learn on the streets, hope is a dangerous thing… it can kill you faster then the cold, faster then hunger, faster then thirst, pain, nightmares, loneliness, love. Love? No… love is quicker… Madam Rose always said that love is what the hopeless feared most, it has no reason, no logic, it can strike at any moment and you are hopeless against it. The only thing you can do is turn you heart to ice. No love, no hope just survival, and I was a fast learner but it wasn’t fair, I had a head start; my heart was an iceberg long before I roam the streets… I could feel her flame starting to melt it. I have to get away; no love, no hope just survival remember what she taught you.

2002

This diner is a dump, I think to myself as I squeeze my face to the rear window of ‘Jeremiah’s place’ what a name… the desks are crooked, the walls are peeling off and the waitresses… god what wouldn’t I give for some roast beef with chips and cold coke ummm…  I check my pockets. Still have some money from washing that guys car… gives me the creeps just to think about him. Lucky I run off in time cuz’ he wanted more for his money and I’ll never do that! I tried getting a job but they wanted my social security number for most of them, and as a waitress I broke too many dishes and had to pay more then my salary on them… I just gave up…

I look at my reflection on the glass. God look at me… I’m a mess. I look like I haven’t slept in days, my cloths are so dirty I can’t even remember what color they used to be, and my hair… shit… "grrrrll" my tummy growls. I open the door and walk inside the cool air of the air conditioner hits me first and I close my eyes enjoying it.