August 24, 2009 2:27 pm PST

This is so typical! So typical! I have a gorgeous half naked girl in my bed and Glen has to mess it up. Does he care that I’ve been searching for Ashley for years?! No! Because it’s Glen! Glen, who got his fist stuck in a peanut butter jar at fifteen, Glen, who handcuffed himself in a pair of Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles in the second grade and on my first day of school I was called into the principal’s office to try and get him out, Glen, who went and got himself married! Married!

I pace back and forth, wearing only my t-shirt and thong and just listen to my sobbing mother. I run my hand through my hair and pinch the bridge of my nose. I’ve tried a few times to interject on her one-woman tirade, but she wasn’t even listening. I sneak a glance at Ashley and with concerned eyes she smiles. I mouth “I’m sorry,” and she mouths back “Its fine. Is everything okay?” I just roll my eyes and let out a sigh.

I feel so bad. She’s sitting there being all patient, topless, just waiting for my family drama to end, topless. She looks so sexy leaning back on her arms, legs crossed, her hair now down and brushing her shoulders. As my mom rambles on some more about my irresponsible ass of a brother I stare at the rise and fall of her chest and picture my tongue traveling down the length of the expanse. I was so busy watching her I didn’t realize she was watching me. Our eyes meet and she gets up and walks over to my refrigerator. She removes the bag of ice from last night from the small freezer part and takes out a cube. She saunters over and starts to run the ice along my bottom lip where it was cut.

It feels so soothing against the dull pain. We lock eyes as she continues to move the now almost completely melted cube. My breath begins to quicken watching the intensity in her dark brown eyes and she removes another ice cube from the bag, but she takes this one between her lips. She moves her face closer to me and I feel the ice in her mouth hit my lip. The ice thankfully melts fast and soon her lips are on mine again. What’s that talking? Oh, shit, I’m on the phone with my mother! I abruptly pull away from Ashley.