September 8, 2009 10:58 pm PST

Spencer: “Yo, yo, yo, what’s up in the hizzhouse?” Everyone cheers. “Are we ready to rooooccccckkk?” More cheers and applause, but my tone becomes serious. “My name is Spencer and I’m gonna sing a song for all you beautiful people out there about love and loss. See, I have found my ‘soul mate.”

Crowd: “Awwww.”

Spencer: “Yes, I know. Her name is Ashley and she is extraordinary. There will never be enough adjectives to describe the magnificence of her beauty.” More ‘awwwws’ from the crowd.

Spencer: “Oh, you say that now. But wait, there’s more! She claimed to be my ‘soul mate,’ she told me she’d love me forever. She said, ‘hey, Spencer, I want to spend the rest of my lifetimes finding you and loving you.’ Ha! You know what she did, people?”

Crowd: “What?!”

Spencer: “She blew me off! She made up some lame excuse for not hanging out with me all day Sunday, she was ‘too busy,’ to hang out with me on Monday, Tuesday at class she barley talked to me, Wednesday she was ‘too busy’ again, and today at class, you know what she did?”

Crowd: “What?!”

Spencer: “In our acting class we were doing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet, well she was Romeo and instead of sticking to the script like we had planned, she went completely off script crying like a baby as I just laid there. Then she ran out of the class and didn’t answer my calls or texts!”

Crowd: “Booooooooo!”

Spencer: “I know, I know. She completely blew the scene! So that’s why I’m here with you fine folks tonight with my friend and roommate, Veronica, say ‘hi’ Veronica!” She waves from the front table looking a little nervous for me. “I’m a little intoxicated making my way to extremely intoxicated and I’m gonna sing you a little song about the heartache. And it goes a little something like this…”
The crowd cheers as the music starts to play and I bring the mic up to my mouth as the words come up on the screen in front of me.

Spencer: “You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.” The crowd roars its approval as I sing with one arm rested on the mic stand. “And there’s no tenderness like before in your fingertips.” I let go of the stand and start to walk to the front of stage. “You’re trying hard not to show it, but baby,” I throw my one hand up in the hair in a dramatic fashion really feeling the music and those tequila poppers. “Baby I know it…” The crowd sings the refrain me with as I sway my arms to the music.